Chaqutia's story

My name is Chiquita I never told anyone this before but I can talk to my human. She always knows what I am saying I have not been able to talk to other humans but my own. When she rescued me from the BYB I live with, I only knew how to live in a cage. I spent all my days spinning and circling in the small cage because no one came to see me I did not know what a bed was or something soft. Lying on the cold floor of the cage was hard so I just circled in side. It was very difficult to learn how to live in a house with a bed and friends to play with. I love my human straight away but did not know how to show her I loved her. When she came home I was so excited to see her I would start circling and then my excitement would grow out of control and I would go faster and faster till I was running up the walls and jumping on her. I know I hurt her very bad sometimes because I saw blood coming from her. She always screamed in pain and would say I just don't know if I can adopt you out because I am sure I will have to rescue you again. I was never sure what that meant but I knew it was not good. She would be working at her table and I would lie on the bed and stare at her till she would look at me. I was always trying to talk to her to tell I was sorry and just did not know how to stop myself. She did not hear me though, sometimes she would turn and look at me and say I know you’re trying to tell me something but I just don't know what it is. My behavior worsened and I heard her tell other humans that they would have to take me to obedience school if they were interested in me and they would have to have a fenced in yard.
I always felt like she did not want me anymore. I tried so hard to be good so she would keep me, I tried so hard to tell her how much I loved her, but she could not hear me. One day she said to me we are going to have to find out why you’re so neurotic, so we will go to obedience class together or I will never find you a home. I was scared to death and it made me want to circle and spin more than ever. We went to many different classes together, shy dog, small dog Agility and many more. One day I just got so crazy I ran up the wall and jump out at my human and really hurt her bad the blood was everywhere. She yelled so loud it scared me and I ran and hid. I just knew she would never love me and I could not say I was sorry. I wanted her to hold me and when she did I would just hit her in the face sometimes making her eye hurt. She told me to stop but I could not so every time I sat in her lap I hit her face and she put on the floor. I felt so lost and helpless I wanted her to love me but I kept hurting her and could not stop. I did not know what was going to happen to me I tried so hard to talk to her and she would just say I sure do wish I could hear you. I liked living in this house with a bed and friends to play with I was afraid of all the humans in the house but one and all I could do is hurt her. One day she said I don't want to have to rescue you again so I will just keep you. Someone will not understand when you hurt them and they will hurt you back. So from that time on I something change for me I did not feel like I was going away any more I felt a little better but still tried to tell my human how I felt. That was 6 years ago I don't hurt my human anymore and last year she finally heard me. I talk with her all the time now and tell her how much I love her and glad she let me stay. She hugs me and holds me now and I stopped hurting her. I always want to touch her face but I am gentle now so I mostly annoy her but don't hurt her. I have learned to stop when she tells me to stop and I can sit for many hours without circling or spinning now, and I never run up the wall and jump on her any more. Now I can tell her things I like and she knows what I am saying and she never says I wish I could hear you she always says I know and everything will be OK. Because All I want to know is will I be with her forever. I now like other humans and like to sit in their laps too. I still circle but I am not out of control and only do it when I really get excited. I am not afraid anymore and my life is good.