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Scheming little bastards

There is a concerning reality that has materializes over that last year or so.  I have mostly ignored it but I think I now must take control of this and get myself back in control. The Damn Dog have taken over and are working as a team against me.  I know this sounds a  bit paranoid and maybe there is meds that can help but I know they are in control.  Their scheme is quite  brilliant, and cunning, that’s why it has taken me so long to catch on to them.  When it comes to food the ploy is, take my attention then move in for the kill.  
I have my  morning bagel and coffee; this is a morning ritual even when I travel I take my bagels with me and eat them untoasted.  I will get my coffee and hot toasted bagel then head for the couch to watch the morning news.  I sit the coffee and bagel down on the end table so I can sit and turn the TV on and get comfy, I then fend off dogs.  Now while I am fending off dogs one of them will jump in the chair on the other side of  the end table; nab the bagel and run like hell. I get up and chase after the offending dog: I will not allow them to enjoy the fruits of their ploy.  Often I must chase them to the basement  where they will jump on the bed and go back to the wall and start to swallow it, because they know I must crawl across the bed to get them. They will get some of the bagel but not all.  Now I am mad as I head back to the kitchen and toast another bagel. Off to the sofa with a new bagel, after a few bites I reach for my coffee and find the little bastards drank it while I was chasing one of the hooligans.  Another ploy is if someone sets something on the end table hair tie, napkin, pencil etc; they wait till your nice and comfy, feet tucked  snugly  underneath  you then grab and run.  Now this turns into a game of catch me if you can.  When I put the dogs out they come back in two groups the cold group is first one to come in, then the, I need to check every inch of yard out group.   Now when I return to let the, I need to check the yard out dogs, in; I turn around and there it is, poo right behind me.  As I clean that up and go to the kitchen there is another poo waiting for me. I clean that one and go back to the hall way and someone else has done the same thing two inches from the first one I cleaned up. Now all of these thing seems as if the dogs are trying to make me crazy and just drive me out of my mind.  Now I took a trip this past weekend and realized they are not driving me crazy to get me certified but to get me to work for them. They use every opportunity of my aged mind problems to get me. We stopped to eat lunch and they got my bagel the whole bag. I put all food in the floor storage of the van but forgot them. I am always trying to stay one step ahead of them to minimize chaos. So in my planning for the trip I thought of every naughty thing they could pull on me and took something to counter act it. So as I am turning in for the evening I get my bag and open it and start sifting through all the jammies, shirts, pee bands, pee panties, pads, toys and other doggy items to find I did not pack one thing for myself other than clean socks. The girls are just getting a good laugh out of this. So I took off my shoes, changed my socks and went to bed in my cloths. In the morning I got up brushed my cloths off and packed the van.  Now as for convenience this was great but for hygiene and comfort I do not recommend brush and go.
I have finally dropped over the deep end and only think of how to keep them content.  I work for them: I must say their scheming worked and I never saw it coming.  

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