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2012/03/21

Texas Fly Swatter


I’ve been asked about the Texas Fly Swatter and the role it plays in the Damn Dog house: It was a humorous souvenir given to me when I had Noddia my Great Dane.  It was quickly throwed into the cupboard that contain many things I didn’t have a clue what to do with, to be forgotten.  My Great Dane was a perfect dog.  I never raised my voice or scolded her until she ate the exchange students Graduation cake while we were at commencements.  She never took food off the table nor did she steal food from a plate just lying around. Now her head was much taller than the table top so as she walked by the table she was in grabbing rang of anything not directly in the center of the table.  She was 7 years old when she done this.  Why that day she decided to grab the cake I have no  idea.  When we arrived and saw what she had done I was in shock and did not know what to do, so I cleaned up the mess,  then went and bought a cake off the sale table at the bakery. It was not the same as Grandma's home made hand decorated cake but we had cake.  Later that night my sister was digging around in the cupboard for who knows what, she saw the fly swatter and started to shaking it in the air, laughing, then she asked “where did you get this thing”.  Hey you can use it on Noddia. At that point the dog who was sitting on the couch watching us, jumped off and ran like hell.  That was the moment I learned of its power.  I never did have to use it on her that was her one and only aggression. 
When she passed I got Weezie my Toy Fox Terrier who was a good dog too. But she was toy aggressive and she would gut every stuffed toy that came in the house rip the squeaker out and chew it like gum.  When she was displaying this behavior she became toy killer and would act like she could not hear or see you.  Nothing in the world could distract here from her intend death of a stuffed toy.   Now I used the power of the Texas fly swatter and it worked.  I grabbed it one day when I was yelling at her to stop gutting that toy and she acted like she couldn’t hear me, I smacked the floor in front of her with it and she took off like a flash of lightning.  I only used it when she was in murder, death, kill mode,  and with her I had to be close or she would not see it or hear it.  Then the Chinese Cresteds started coming and they never  listened to me so I was always smacking the floor, wall, furniture or any flat surface.  It worked till I finally broke the handle and now it says swatter only.  Then it got to where all I had to do is shake it at them and they would stop whatever they were  doing and listen to me.  Then the rescues started growing in numbers along with a whole host of issues that would blend into the pack and they finally became the Damn Dogs. It has been chewed on, peed on and lost. It spent one winter outside in the back yard where it got dragged out and left.  Not knowing where it was it stayed there all winter till spring lawn clean up came and it was found: it use to be a dark blue, but outside all that time faded it.  Then the kid’s learned of it power and they start shaking it and smacking everything  but if you don’t smack it on a flat surface it becomes a dud that has no affect.  So one day I’m giving the kids instructions on how to use it to achieve  the maximum benefit, and all the dogs where in the living room jumping around like we were going to feed them or something. When I  squarely smack the floor with it and every one took off.  I started to laugh at the mass exoduses that just took place and yelled “Now that’s what I’m talking about, crowd control”.  To this day it has the same effect; but the problem is I can never find it when I need it.  So one day I bought a couple regular fly swatters but it just isn’the same thing and they are so cheap now the first smack will bend the little wire handle.   I have no idea how to get more of these marvelous souvenirs. If it breaks or gets eaten totally I will be in trouble, the Damn Dog will take over completely  
   



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