Now as a norm I always load the kids and dogs in the van and off we go on 99.44% of all vacations and trips. It is what it is. Now we always do thing that we can with a van load of dogs in tow, mostly that mean the dog have to stay in the van. We have a second set of keys that is always glued around someone’s neck so there is no worry about locking said dogs in the van and not being able to get back in. Yes it has happened but that is another story. The spare key gets use almost as much as the main key. Now the kids are mostly gone and there is just one living at home, and a dog transport gets cancelled so we decided to take a vacation with just the two of us and no dogs. The place that I have always wanted to see since the movie Goonies is the beach from the end of the moving. It had a wild, adventurous and mysterious effect on me that has stayed with me since I saw the movie 30 years ago. So my first thought is lets go to Oregon. I did not know the whole coast is this way I thought it was just in one place. So to plan the trip to maximize the time to see as much as possible, the beach was not the first thing to see as soon as we left the plane. Now I am very short on patience and hate to wait for anything. I had just enough time after landing and getting to the beach to make myself, a crazy driven woman, who will get there and get picture and nothing, will stop me.
Two hours later as we are getting in our car and leaving the beach I dropped the damn rock only to find the other one when we stopped for potty break. The front seat was full of glass and it is still raining like hell so we shut a towel in the door to keep the rain from drenching the car and us but my daughter has to sit in the back and hold the corner of the thing so it does not smack the shit out of me while driving. Now she is balancing herself on the edge of the back seat holding the corner of the wet towel in one hand and the phone with GPS in the other and she says " Ma if we would have taken the dogs we would have never been robbed."
So tonight the kids are in the kitchen stirring things up and the dogs are in their annoying form in the living room romping around. I got up and went into the kitchen for more coffee but did lock the gate. I hear the dogs at the gate as I am poring my coffee. I expect to see Patricio jump up on the counter next to me, but all I hear is the handle of the gate. I turned around to find the damn dog pumping the handle up and down expecting to push it open and nothing happening. His frustration got the best of him and he started to bark at it in between pumping the handle. The sight of this dog getting frustrated at the gate he broke and doing so he lost his ability to open it, as he does not have two hands he has one mouth. This has left me a happy camper. I now know there is something the Damn dog can not do. Bite and Bark at the same time.
I see where some one commented on a picture I put on face book and they noticed the time I posted it. This caught me by surprise as I never look at that stuff and do not know anyone who looks at the time things are posted. As I am voicing my surprise to my kid she says "I look at what time people post". I said "why? I think the only person who looks at that is my boss to see if I am screwing around at work". No Ma I look at what time you post so I know what your doing. What the Hell, are you stalking me? I'm your Mom, kids don't stalk their Mom, Moms stalk their kids. Who knew????
All was going well they kept up with the weeds and couple times I would come home to some wilting plants but they were watered before night fall so I said nothing. One very nice delightful night I was sitting in the living room with the back door open when this blood curdling scream came from the back yard. Before I could run to the door it came again. By the time I got outside here comes my daughter stomping up to the patio and as she roared by me she said I want a gun I'm going to kill the deer and bunnies and eat them. Well so much for the cucumbers...
The other day my daughter came in so proud and happy her bean plants had produced three very nice beans. As she rolled them around her hand to show me that they were purple bean and not green bean she said she never had purple beans. I said "are going to try them"? She put them in a bowl and said "no, I am going to wait for them to get friends". I am not sure I have ever heard it put that way but it made perfect sense.
Last night the friends arrived and we had some very yummy purple beans.
When it comes to food I mostly love it all. But when the fire in food gets to the 5 alarm fire stage I am not going to put myself in a air sucking, water drinking frenzy to eat.
My kids love all their food so hot that I swear they have an asbestos tongue. They know they can not cook that stuff when I am at home it just takes my breath away and sends me into a choking frenzy. No one wants to cook out side so they just do it before I get home and hope the air clears before I hit the door or just chop those little red peppers up and lather them on their food uncooked.
The other night I got home and there was a hint of something that had been cooked earlier.I spent a hour or so just drinking a cup of coffee and growing a nice set of roots in the chair. I finally went to the kitchen and announced I was making myself a grilled cheese sandwich and ask my daughter if she wanted one. She said "no", because she cooked and ate already. Well now I have a whole new way I like my sandwich made and I like my cheese on the outside of the bread and crunchy. Crunchy cheese you ask, I learned this little way to make the sandwich and now will never go back to regular grilled cheese. You use a sharp cheddar and grate it, butter the out sides of the bread as normal and sprinkle a little shredded cheese between them just enough to make the two slices stick together. Put in the pan to grill while the first side is grilling add copious amounts of the shredded sharpness to the top of the sandwich then flip over and let the cheese grill to a nice crunch or chewy depending on your desired texture. While the cheese is grilling to the desired texture add another mound of cheese to the other side and again flip to grill side two to the same desired texture. Now the oil from the cheese and butter will tend to puddle a little and you can sop up with paper towel. The more cheese the more puddle. Yes, not healthy what so ever but nothing good is healthy.
While all this grilling is going on I start to cough. Just coughing no smell nothing but a choking cough.
I said to my daughter did you spill some of your chilly pepper what ever, on the burner." I don't think so" she said, The cough got worse and I said "you must have I can't breath". She then starts to look at the stove to see if something spilled. I finished cooking my sandwich and the coughing started to wane and almost completely stopped by the time I had my sandwich cut and placed on a plate with the chips piled on top with a drink in my hand.
We went into sit at the computer and search for retirement homes, this has become a favorite activity with my daughter. I ate a few chip and we looked at water front property and dreamed of a day she would come to visit me at the beach. I then started in on the sandwich which was so tasty till I wallow it around my mouth a bit and then flame on. "What the hell did you do" I ask her. As she laughed at me she said nothing. Did you wash the pan or just wipe it out? Second bite is hotter than the first. Now I understand why I was choking. So now I am sucking air and drinking water. I decided that I did not want to cook again so I would just suck it up and eat the heat infused sandwich. After a few bits I am sweating and needing a break from the flames and started to eat the chips. What the hell the chips are hotter then hell too. On my way to the kitchen for a second glass of water I realized the oil in that pan was on the sandwich and the chips just sucked up the oil off the sandwich and now I have a plate of " light me on fire" food and my kid thinks this is just too funny. Note to self, wash all pans before using.
So tonight is one of the nights I am sure I could have lived with out but as life would have it I have to endure the shit that is heaped on me. My dogs have had a steady diet of remotes and it has left us with out a way to play DVD's, stream movies or any other activities that one does on the TV except turn it on and hope for the best. Tonight they got the netflix remote and we only had this one for two weeks. Now with out the remote the device is useless. Wow, I feel like I am just throwing money out the window as the dogs consume the remotes. And yes we put them up but some how they get them, Hell I think they just will the damn things off the shelf and into their mouths.
Now this little remote consumption was the last mound of shit on my pile for the day, so off to Best Buy I go cussing all the way. I left there and I went and picked up my daughter at work and when we returned we settled in to a moving after a short installation.
The dogs were not in the mood to settle so we are trying to get them to calm down and Sipan super glues himself to my daughter. I am busy with my own problematic dog and I here her say SIPAN in the strained voice the one you hear the weight lifters use as they are picking up 300 lb weight. I am not paying any attention to her I can just hear her trying her damndest to move this dog. The grunts and screams turn into her saying in the calmest voice I've heard her use all night, "Oh uha uha your moving" and I hear the vertical blinds move. Sipan jumped straight up catching some air under his ass and he shoved himself in one huge leap off the couch and he disappeared around the corner and went into the other room. My pile of shit came tumbling down as I laughed so hard I cried. We now have the Sipan super glue, kryptonite.