Follow by Email


A herd of dog

This is the Damn dogs at their best behavior.  So in their defense I thought I should show their good side.


Only 20 times??????

When I grew up we ate home grown food.  We had an orchard and we had a one acre garden. The relatives traded kid labor during the summer for beef. My mom preserved all the food she could get her hands on to last us through the winter. We did not have a freezer so meat was boiled and put in Mason jars along with the fruits and vegetables. Powdered milk was the drink of every breakfast. Now the memories of the food is, that's all I knew till I was in 6th grade. We had a Mexican family that I started going to school with the kids and their refried beans and tortillas was the best thing about school; trading lunch with them. My peanut butter sandwiches with or without jam was only a means to keep my stomach quiet in the afternoon. I never new what the kids saw in my peanut butter sandwiches but them tortillas and beans was the best thing I ever ate.  Our food was simple and staple we always had food but we never got choices: we ate what was in front of us with out complaints. Now I have always had a taste for ethnic foods and love to try new foods. But if it looks totally unrecognizable or the least bit slimy, and absolutely nothing from inside an animal; I would rather go hungry, and have, rather than eat it. I will try the flesh of any animal but nothing that is from the inside. Where I came up with these dislikes I have no idea.  What I have learned is most people I know are really finicky about the things they eat way more than I am. 
I worked with exchange students for over 10 years and learned how hard it was on them to give up their cultural foods and think Mc Donald's  is a food group.  But even then they were all finicky about trying new things, most would give in when they became more hungry as time went by.
As my kids started coming I was aware how hard the food thing was going to be for them. Because they were not going home in 10 months to there country's cuisine. The kids from South America it was a little easier because we have many of the same foods and spices. But even at that two of them will not eat onions and we cook with onions, one girl saw an onion she would not eat anything more, the other would pick through her food to get every last onion out before one thing entered her mouth. Our meat and potato society and the fact that we want instant satisfaction and no time to do anything, we eat most of our meal out of a box, heat and eat food.  This food along with hot dogs and hamburgers turn off every kid that comes here.So our family has learned to fend for themselves: tell me what you want and I will by it. You make it you eat it no wasting food. Same with eating out you take it you eat it. The 15$ meals that no one liked was squelched quickly. So buffet's was the way to go for us.  They can see it and try a spoon of it before they heap it up. Now I have two girls who will eat anything as long as it has hot chili peppers on it. As time has gone by their taste has started to change and they are eating lots more American foods. Their chile consumption has lessened along with, they can now go a few days with out rice. I have one girl that has stomach trouble and can not eat fried foods or anything that is a stomach irritant. One girl that only wants her cultural food and has many religious food restrictions on top of that. So cooking and eating at our house can be difficult to say the least. They have come to like a few things that I cook and when I am in the mood I will cook them, if not everyone is on their own. Now out of all this food chaos is one kid that is so food motivated that she is thinking of her next feeding before she finishes the one she is on. The only thing I have a real hard time getting her to eat is spaghetti with red sauce.  White sauces she will inhale. She has become the butt of almost every food joke we have ever made. She like the bones of most things and wants the bone in all her meat. She has two hallow legs and can put away more food than all of us together.  When she was little she got kids prices on meals but ate more than all of us put together. She can put any American to shame at an all you can eat place. She eats almost non stop though out the day. She takes snacks to school so she can make it to lunch and she goes straight to the kitchen before she does anything else when she gets home, and ready to eat again when I get home. And will eat at least  two more times before bed.  
My oldest moved out of the dorms at College for the end of 2nd semester last night and has non stop complained of the food in the cafeteria at college. She says they serve the same stuff all the time and what she can eat from it is limited. She keeps telling me she is not going to pay for food at college next year because she hates the food and its a waste of money.  I have not shopped for food for a week and the frig is empty and everyone was complaining last night about Mother Hubbard's cupboards being empty and the oldest wants some good food for a change. So we went to the all you can eat Chinese buffet tonight, and on the way there the oldest is saying what a waste it was paying for the 20 meals a week plan. When from the back seat we here "only 20 times a week, Ma I eat more than 5 times a day. The car broke out in a mass of laughter and then they all had advice on how to survive only 20 meals a week. Every suggestion from filling her bag up every time she went to the cafetiere to buying extra food and cooking it in her room. As she went back for her 4th time at the all you can eat place I suspected she was trying to eat away her worries of only 20 meals a week.


What are kids for?

I have to pick my daughter up from college tonight and I get this e-mail from her,

Mom I Just want  to let you know that the traffic is horrible right know I don't know if is gonna be the same at night or worse. Don't  get mad okay :) 

Love you

beatriz jacinto
i love you mom.
Wow I guess my kids really know me, and are trying to stave off the yelling at everyone on the road. Or, I choose to think they love me and worry about me.
Either way they have my attention…..

Do you know what your saying?

There is no shortage of mispronounced words at our house and sometime they can cause all kinds of commotion.  Not to mention misunderstandings, embarrassments, anger and plain old laughs.
I came home and the girls are all home doing hell knows what and I only have one brain cell left and it’s not firing very well and we start a round of what are you saying?  Now my brain cell has totally misfired and it does not even recognize who is talking any more. After all the girls tell me about their days I am ready to stick my head in the sand and forget the rest of the night, but can’t because now I have to cook.  I finish making chili and take a bowl to my room and put my brain to rest in front of the mindless television set. After a while I check e-mails and go back for seconds.  When I get back to the kitchen I see where someone has cook something else, I ask if anyone wants any Chili  as I fix my second bowl, there were no takers so one of the girls comes out to see what I am doing and starts to help me put the chili in a bowl for the frig. I turn around to put the bowl away and see her eating my chili. I said why don’t you get your own bowl and she takes another big mouth full and says” I eat beans and they make me F you c k”. What did you say? F you C K!  I started to laugh and said you need to empty your mouth because your English sucks when you’re not eating and it’s worse when it full of chili. She swallows and sticks her face closer to me and makes her mouth form the word again, F you C K.  What you eat beans and then you want to have sex?  NO Mom, I F you C K. “OMGAWD do you know what you’re saying”, I ask her.  Ya Ma you know stink.  Now I am really laughing and I said you mean fart not F you C K.  Now I have everyone in the house’s attention and they are all laughing and screaming Mom what are you saying….. It’s not me it’s your sister, she eats too many beans and F you C K’s, then Farts.  Hell I ask her if she knew what she was saying and she said “Yes”.  Well little Miss red face is now saying fart properly. Not that she should be screaming fart at me either but it was funny.


Conversation with the dog.

I believe that many folks talk to and have conversations with inanimate objects or non-humans even one self. I can say I have had a few of these conversations myself, I don’t believe I would want anyone else to hear me, especially when I am talking to myself.  I am rather harsh on myself so by the time I’m worked up to the point I need to talk to myself I am rather miffed; using my outside voice in the, talking to, I give myself.  On occasion I have over heard others have these talks and find them strange to say the least.   
I happened on a conversation one of my girls was having with one of the dogs. It was taking place in the living room; she stood there with her hands on her hips looking down at the dog and the dog is sitting on the floor looking up at her with great interest.  Now this in its self was comical as the dog’s ears are straight up and his eyes open wide looking at her. She says “Joey everybody hates you” You no good and eat my underpants. You bark too much, you get into everything.  You need to eat the other girl’s underpants and stop eating poop. You make me mad. You play too hard and make too much noise. Joey is just sitting there hanging on every word as if he was enjoying the feedback from his human.  At this point I just go about my business and snicker to myself just thinking about this conversation. Then I hear her say “NO Joey I don’t want you on me” I stick my head back around the corner to see what’s up with the dog and find him trying to crawl under her blanket.  She says” NO Joey you to fat I can’t breathe when you get on me. Now Joey does not care what she is crying about he wants under the blanket, No is not an option.  As he nuzzles the blanket to get his head under it, she is moving over to accommodate him on the couch and pulling the blanket up for him; she is saying “no” the whole time. I am still snickering to myself and continuing on with my own things. I can still hear her but not paying any attention to her till I get ready to leave and go back down stairs, when I walk by the living room and see her talking to herself. I stopped and realized she has Joey wrapped like a little baby doll in the blankets and still telling him his behavior is not acceptable and no one likes him. I started to laugh and she looked up at me and I said “let me know how this works maybe I’ll try it on the other dogs”.


The Plan

 this is an old post I thought I lost 
Well I just got a reality check at work.  My behavior is at a considerable lower age level than I am.   As I am calmly arguing with a co-work I could feel my blood pressure on the rise I said 'I don’t care to talk about this issues anymore" well the conversation kept going and so did my blood pressure to the point I wanted to say something more than I don’t want to talk about it.  Out of pure frustration I looked at her and stuck my tongue out. Without missing a breath she said “Oh real mature Sue”.  So now the argument is over but I am left with a red face and the question of why I would do that.  As I look back at when the kids started coming I guess I can see my behavior deteriorate over the years.  When I argue with my kids my level of maturity is right down there with theirs.  I know that arguing with kids from different cultural backgrounds and languages has left me frustrated, so to get my point across I would use any means I could, to get maximum shock effect out of them.  Using logic and outside voices just does not get it.  The 4 girls that have been with me for over three years have gotten use to me doing this and now just say” MOM STOP”.     But my immature behavior still works for shock effect, so as to gain control over a seemingly lost argument. I now use it as my master weapon against massive quantities of Estrogen running ramped through the house.  Although they will use it against me it is one of the prices I have to pay.  Such as the time I had them all lined up on the couch hollering about, who left the cosmetic bag outside. When the older one says I did.  Now I am shocked because the common answer to this line of questioning is “I don’t know” I responded “Who are you and what did you do with my daughter”?  She sat straight up and said “Well I really did not do it but I said I did”, so you would shut up. It worked.  Or the time last winter as one of the girls is just dragging her feet and it’s time for the bus.  I was hounding her to pick it up because I was not taking her to school.  Her speed did not change and I hollered out at her “This is really shitty weather to have to walk to school in”. As she saunters out the door she comes back with “I know sweetie, I know, I need the exercise. Got me there. We have even had arguments that I had to use extreme shock on them.  One such argument was over going out to eat.  The newest girl is a difficult eater to say the least.  She only wants her  food, sweets or chicken.  This really narrows the place we can eat at.  I came up with the master plan to get the other girls mad at her and she would break down and stop, with the, I don’t like that.  The girls cooked up the schema to get me to take them out to eat at the Chinese buffet.  It started out with one girl asking then another and then another trying to break me down.  They know I will give in after a fashion.  But I had to hang tough I was trying to make a statement and get this girl to eat better.  I said no because L. will not eat that food and I am not spending money on food to have it thrown out.  Ok then let’s go here, “NO” what about this place no she won’t eat that either. Finally she said "I will just stay home".  Now the other girls thought they had just won the LOTO, ya Mom let’s leave her home.  No we eat as a family or no one goes.  I left the room now that my plan was in action.   Well they started in again following me through the house badgering me about leave L. at home and let’s go.  We have now been at it for close to an hour.  I am hungry and have no desire to cook.  I was starting to weaken I could not hold out anymore, they had me and they knew it.  But at the last minute I got my presence of mind back and ran into the frig and yanked out the wine bottle ripped the cork out and tipped it up and guzzled. I heard one exclaim to the others “Well! Now she won’t go she drank wine” What do you want to eat?  

Walking 10 Dogs

   Being in rescue, I always have about 5 or more foster dogs here, along with my own 5 dogs.  Many of my friends ask me if I walked them and how, so I made a little video of walking 10 dogs,    


The Art of Body Slamming

There is a new game going on in the Damn Dog house. It seems to be catching on and more of the dogs are doing it.  It started with my Gertie and now the hooligan boys and Jack are doing it. We have a room we call the study room.  It is the room that the girls use when the tutor is here or to do homework, I keep all the dog kennels lined up in that room to keep them out of the main stream, and the access to the bathroom is through this room.  
Gertie was born here in that room, along with her overwhelming confidence, and the fact that she is built like a brick shit house; she has taught herself how to open the door to the study. Now one would think she has learned how to work the knob, but it is by sheer brute force. She would stand in front of the door and then lean on it with her front paws and it would open.  Then we worked the latch a little and she found that she needed more force to make it open, hence the body slamming started. She runs toward the door and then as she is within a couple steps from the door she jumps up and slams herself, front paws first into the door. She slams into it with a Thud putting all her weight behind the thrust.  Now the hinge on the bottom of the door was never 100% it had some issues but it was very functional. It now is no longer functional; it is attached to the door but not the wall.  The top hinge has started to strip the inside of the screw holes on the wall so we need to tighten them up every now and then.  I now have the other dogs doing the same thing to the door to get into the room. Why? You say, because they eat in their kennels and they follow everyone to the bathroom.  So they will bust in the study door then go to the bathroom and bust it open. If we latch the bathroom door they will dig it to smithereens. Once the door slammers get the doors open then all the dogs just fallow them in.  There is no keeping them out now.   They think it’s time to eat the door slamming starts.  If they think there is the slightest chance that someone left a nugget of food in the kennel the other dogs wait by the door for the slammers to come and then when the door is pop open they all run to a kennel and check for food in the bedding of the kennel. When one is done checking a kennel then they will swap with the dog in the next kennel checking that dogs work on finding nuggets. All kennels are check many time for any leftover crunchies, unless they get run out of the study room to early then this will be repeated after a short time because all kennels must be check and recheck until everyone is satisfied that there is no kibble hiding in the folds of bedding.
The hooligans have taken this maneuver a step further. They now do it to me.  If I am sitting in my chair with the casters I get shoved away and if I am in a regular chair I get the force, Now standing when they do this can cause me to wobble and I am afraid this Weeble will fall down.  They want my attention and they slam me. It just amazes me how they learn this stuff and teach the others. Between the girls and the dogs all the doors in my house need fixing now. All door carry the same identifying signature, Paw Prints. This is body slamming 101


Striking distance!

Julie is the sweetest little girl and she follows me around everywhere and if I am in kitchen she is never more than 6 inches away from my heel. She does not walk with confidence her tail is always down and her little face never shows her emotions. She does not care about her surroundings or she just never pays attention to them.  Where ever I am she is in view of me.  She will often find a rug or pee pad on the floor to sit on while she waits for me to leave the room I am in. She has the shortest legs and does not move quickly.  The only time I see her run is to get up a little momentum so she can jump on something.  She is very graceful when she jumps and it’s interesting to watch her.  She is always holding one foot or another up so when you see her standing, most of the time she is on only three legs; and it is never the same three legs.  Sometimes when she pees both of her back legs come off the ground. I get a chuckle when I see her pivoting on her front two legs trying to pee. She does not run with the pack but she will check out the alert bark from one of them.  She just wants to be next to me.  If I am not around she picks one of the girls to hang with.  But what Julie does have, is total respect from the other dogs.  When she has picked her spot to lie down or sit down on, she does not warn the others to leave she just bits them.  Now she never breaks the skin on these bits but she makes them scream.  It is so quick I often do not even see her do it but the dog that was in her striking zone screams and leaves. It took me a long time to find out what was going on because I did not see her do it.  I just heard the scream and a dogs butt leaving the area.  She has never bared her teeth to us humans and never growled.  She almost never growls at the other dogs she just bits them if they try to enter her comfy space.   The rest of the pack now respect this about her and leave her alone when she is in her comfy space.  Her bit reminds me of a snake striking something you almost have to slow it down to see it.  She only cares about her space where she sits and does not want the other to get in her space.  Now she will get in their space and all is well no fuss no bitching nothing. I find the actions of the other dog when they encounter Julie hilarious.  She will be sleeping in a little ball on the couch and someone will jump up and they are unaware of her presence. They are still in the middle of their jump when she strikes them. The scream comes and they land on the couch and bounce right back off, it is all in one swift motion.  The Hooligan boys are the only ones that jump without looking and they get it every time.  The others will get up on the edge and look before they jump.  If they see her they just slink down and go away.
Going to bed is too funny as long as I am not in a bad mood, then I want to kill all of them.  I get into bed and all the dog get up at the top of the blankets and paw at them so I will lift them up and they can crawl in.  They do not do this at the same time so it can be a long drawn out process as they come one by one to get a spot under the blankets.  Julie only wants to be next to me, from about my waist up.  Gertie only want to be under my arm next to my neck. Chiquita it takes her forever to settle down so she can even get under the blanket but she does not care where she is under there. Cabot waits till the lights go out and everyone quiets down then he hops up and starts to take over someone’s spot. He just gets under the blanket and plops down on any dog in his chosen spot; except Julie….   She is always the first in the bed to get the spot she wants then when everyone else picks a place to get under the blanket I hold the blanket up and they see her and back out and go to the other side.  This little dog gets one whole side by herself.  The other chickens won’t even attempt to get anywhere near her spot they just get on the other side of me and pile up.  So the lights go out everyone is calmed down and settled in and here comes Cabot I try to direct him to the other side but he will have no part of what I am trying to get him to do.  So I laugh at him and hold up the blanket, he takes one step and sees her and he back right back out and heads for the other side of me.  “I told you”. Some nights this scenario can go on with every damn dog in the house.  I cannot make them go to the side she is not on they must all try the side she is on then go to the other.  She has their attention in this area.  She has all my alpha’s dogs giving her a wide berth.  And they have never fought or growled she just bits them and they go away.  My Cabot and foster Willy would mix it up and there was no giving in I had to literally separate them so they would stop trying to kill each other. Julie’s mere presents are all the others need to give in, when it comes to her space.  Sometimes the Hooligan boys will jump and in midair see her; it is as if they are clawing at air to get out of her space.  It never works they get the Julie strike then we get the scream.  This little girl knows just how to make herself understood.
The other morning she was sitting in my lap while I drank my coffee, she was just sitting there looking up at me with those soulful eyes that just scream I love you. Her eye are contagious I often find myself just looking in them as if I see all the way to her inner being. I heard the scream and all the dogs were headed in different directions. I knew someone got it but never saw her move nor felt her move I just heard the scream.  I took a couple more sips from my coffee and look down at those soulful dark eyes and I as I was being mesmerized by her look I saw the tuft of crest hair hanging out the side of her mouth. Now if I ever needed depends it was at that moment…. 


Discontent at the Damn Dog house

As I contemplate my role as the Big Dog of my pack of kids and dogs, I guess I just took it for granted that it’s a dirty job but someone has to do it.  I have taken my role and done what has to be done.  I am on my second kid that has been grounded for 6 months.  Now some will find this shocking but sometimes when the regular punishments don’t work we go with the extreme.  Now with the dogs I have given them time out in their kennels but I find that it more for my peace of mind rather than a lesson learned for them. Now I believe that all the offenders that get any punishments, will be just plain madder than hell at Mom.  Now I believe that we all get over being pissed off at each other, I even find it hard to make someone stay grounded for 6 months. The dogs I have always assumed that they just love me and don’t even get mad at me.  They just are dogs doing what dogs do. Now to my complete shock I have found there is something very wrong and there is an uprising in the works.
I can say I never would have believed my dogs would have such a plan in the works to get me, but I have found the evidence of this plot.  It is evil and I truly do not believe the Texas fly swatter or a time out in a kennel would have merited such retaliation, but the proof is there and undeniable.  As I sat on the edge of my bed a sharp stabbing pain hit me in the buttocks. I jumped up and rubbed my butt as if there was no tomorrow and looked down to find a shiv one that you find fashioned by a convict in prison to do great harm to another inmate.  The dogs took one of their nylabone toys and chewed of all the pieces off and sharpened the end to a point and left it in my bed, hidden in the blankets they pile up every day in the middle of my bed. Now I am glad I had jeans on because they took the brunt of the shiv and I only got a red mark and a few moments of shocking disbelief and pain. Here is my evidence that there is discontent in the damn dog house. Who knew?


Robbed of my pleasure....

We all know about the Pied Piper leading away the rats as he played his magical flute.  Now I confess to be something of a Pied Piper, but I have hairless dogs that follow me. I cannot get up and move without all the dogs following me to where ever I am going; even if I just go to the kitchen to get a drink of water.  There they are jumping around me and as I am trying not to step on one, there is another behind me to trip me. The longer the distance I travel in the house or outside a couple or three feel that it is a race to get to where I am going before me. The basement is treacherous as they turn the stairway into the Indy 500 race.  When they pass me or try to get between my legs as I am descending, it always causes me a moment of fear that I will get a broken something if they succeed in tripping me. One time all three passed me at the same time in the stair well, I grabbed the rail as my body went down and I slammed into the wall. Now my arm was a little soar for a couple days but no damage that time.  I feel my luck running out and it is just a matter of time before they send me down the stair doing a header all the way. Now last night I got them, purely by accident.  I got one step down and remember I needed my glasses and made an abrupt stop and turn:  they were so close on my heal and moving at the speed of light, they both went ass over tea kettle down the stairs, the third one Miss Gertie was able to stop as she ran into me. As I watch the boys in a massive ball of flesh and legs rolling down, it all seemed to be in slow motion as my mind starts to play the dead dog visual in my head.  They bowled over the baby gate at the bottom and went straight through to the storage room.  I sucked in air as I started to panic and then they jumped up shook it off and ran hell bent into my room. I can say without a doubt that sucking in air at the same time you break out in laughter will cause all kinds of chocking. Between the shock and panic of them rolling down the stairs I was robbed of the pleasure, of finally getting the little bastards before they kill me, so I excepted the next best thing RERUNS that kept running through my mind all night.


Who ate the banana?

It has been a very active morning doing everything I did not plan on doing nor did I want to do.  But flooded basements and kids that have gone beyond needy and then someone ate the last banana.  Now at this point we are not sure if a human ate it or a dog, but the dog got busted with evidence of the banana on him. So Jack is getting the blame. Hey buddy your looking mighty guilty!!!


Bragging on the kids not eating them

As the old adage goes
 "I love my kids so much I could just eat them, then some days I wish I had". 
Today however I am as proud of them as ever.  I am big into volunteering and it fits right into my companies mission statement.  My kids go and help at many function company and community.  They make me proud as more more folks in the community recognize them from one event to another and actually look for them and many ask about them. Today was our community semi annual recycle day. It rained on us and the job is dirty but they have a good time and never fuss about volunteering to help at these functions.  We even got the exchange student in on the work.  They roll up their sleeves and carry garbage, serve food, help with entertainment and even helping make blankets for the homeless shelter. They are a huge help with the dog rescue I could not do it with out them. So today I brag about them, tomorrow I eat them.          


Ok ya got me there!

I hear a lot of excited chatter in the kitchen, so I mosey up to the kitchen to see what’s going on and find one of the girls sitting on the counter ledge rubbing her foot.  As I enter the room she yells “Mom I am so poor”. Ya and the point is????  I have the same socks for over a year and now they have a hole in them: She then holds up her foot to show me there is no heel in the sock.  The hole was so big the edges were curling; I’m thinking this must be a pain to walk on.  I laughed at her and said “I have socks older than you and they are fine”. Ya Ma I walk to school every day and you drive to work.  Ok case close you have a point there….


Farmers tan

When I was a child my father always had a farmers tan.  The dark leathery neck above the neck line of his shirt and the dark arms starting at the biceps down.  His farmers tan was so dark that it lasted his entire life.  He was so scorched that his pigment was permanently tattooing is arms and neck.  As I look back it was so natural for him I really never noticed him when he took off his shirt, but the contrast was so strong between his little skinny white body and neck, head and arms that looked like cow hide in texture and color.  The dogs being hairless will get the same farmers tan even in the winter from sitting in the sun filled windows. The odd body part that also tans is the butt.  So when the jammies come off the lower part of the legs, the head, neck and the butt/tail that sticks out are tanned and the rest of them look pasty and gray. It’s not noticeable because you don’t see the whole dog but bath times you can see just how much time they spend in the sun filled windows and floor;  then they start to even out as the first weeks of warm weather start. This year the jammies came off early as the weather has gotten warm earlier than usual. Julie the foster dog's tail is low on her butt and hags down, she swishes her tale a lot I guess I really don’t pay attention to it but she is tanning up everywhere  except for the butt under the tail.  It looks like a upside down rain soaked windshield that has just been cleared by the wiper. I had another dogs whose butt looked the same in the first weeks of sunny warm weather. Marley's tail is higher on the butt and stands straight up and curls over his back; he has just the cutest brown cheeks and his exit shoot is the same color.  I just love to watch them tan up, each one tanning just a little different color and way. They are all sun/heat seeking little creatures.  They will sit in the sun and fry with out a care in the world. They can be close to heat exhaustion tongs hanging out and skin sizzling and will not move from the window.  The skin over the years will start to freckle as the pigment starts to pile up with all the sun exposure.  The older they are the more freckles they have.  Mine do not stay out side for long periods of time but they will lay in a window all day long if the sun is coming in the one they're in. The freckles are less noticeable in the summer and in the winter the spots over lay on each other making the older dogs have a tan looking skin of many colors and the younger dogs I always want to connect the dots to see what shape I can come up with.This year the jammies are off, farmers tans have evened out and they are all sporting a nice tan and its only April.


And they done it to themselves.

The weather is so mixed up that Mother Nature is totally confused about what season this is.   We have had a few 80 + days, lots of 70’s and 60’s with sun shine is becoming normal.  Our Tulip festival is in the first part of May and they are all in full bloom and will be gone by the time the festival starts. My kids are already dressing like it is 100 degrees.  I personally have not removed my sweat shirts yet.  Its chilly in the morning but warm in the afternoon.  Most mornings are made up of the same argument, is that what your wearing to school you know it’s not summer yet. “ Ya Ma it’s going to be hot”.   Ya but it’s not hot now, then they all start in about having to carry their jackets all day; now every morning going through this argument, is a pain.  I decided that they will learn some time that the weather can change in the blink of an eye.  Now I have to say that I am not taking my coat to work but all I have to do is go to the garage and get in the car and the few steps from the car to work so I don’t want to deal with a coat either.  But if I had to walk a couple of blocks and wait for a bus I think I would think twice before leaving without one.  So this morning they all come down dressed as if it’s 80 degrees out and it is 30 degrees.  Sandals and tank tops with a sweaters over it.  I said nothing and then when I got to work this morning it started to snow and we have had snow showers all morning.  It has made my day thinking about them having to walk home in the cold today. And the best part is they done it to themselves.


Fried brains!!!!

I thought I could make it through spring break without having a flippen meltdown.  All I can say is, I wasn’t even close. The melt down started Wednesday afternoon: the instructions I left for the kids never took place. I absolutely hate kids at home, not in school all day long. They call me at work a hundred times. The fact that I share an office with others does not allow for privacy in the first place; getting mad at them with others in room bothers me.  By the time the second one call about some piddly stuff I am agitated, my voice gets strained as all I want to do is yell “stop bothering me”.  Now all of them have called once and they are on their second round of calls. Work is getting tense and I know I need to get home quick because someone is coming by to visit one of the foster dogs, but I need to stop at the store on the way home;  my shoulders are up around my ears, and my head ache is coming on like gang busters. By the time I get out I have 15 minutes before she arrives, I am hoping to slip out 5 minutes early but the security company is working on the door and they want to leave 5 minutes late. Here comes the anxiety attack, because I do not want the dogs to greet the lady before I get there to run interference. I am racing home and decide to skip the store because those damn dogs will be way overwhelming for this unexpecting lady. I drove just a little quicker than the garage door was opening and almost took out the door. My mood is totally primed and it won’t take much to meltdown.  I get the excited, I have not seen you in years, greeting from a mob of barking dogs while I am trying not to step on them going up the stairs with the jumping barking dogs all around me.  Shit, it’s all over the hallway and the dogs are jumping in it and the hooligans are in the basement. Wow the only good thing is all the kids were together when I blew.  Usually the first kid I see gets the brunt of my eruption. The blinds were drawn and the room was dark and the girls are laid out all over the place, with blankets everywhere and their still in their jammies; TV blaring Korean soap operas with ear piercing volume. What the Hell have you guys done all day, and why is the volume up so loud? You don’t even speak Korean you read sub titles, Are you kidding me????? I started in “there is shit everywhere and the dogs are in the basement, the sink is full of dishes and Archie is in the garbage”.  Everyone up and clean this kitchen and straighten things up before the lady arrives.  You didn’t do anything I ask today, you just sat up in that living room frying your brains with TV. Then the silence the kind that comes when you know things will get bad if you don’t shut your mouth. We did make the clean up in time for the ladies arrival. The first thing the foster did was nipped her nose, OK this placement is gone.  My mistake I just think people know not to put their face in striking distance of a strange dog. I forget that not everyone knows this, so now I want to kick my own ass but I’ll go get a glass of wine instead. Thursday morning two kids were to go on a field trip together, first thing I find out one changed her mind without telling me, now the whole house is awake as I am screaming up the stairs to lay down the law and proceeded into the sentencing part of the infraction. I barked out my daily instructions and told them don’t let me come home to the same thing as last night and headed for the door before I could say one more thing because it was going to get bad.  Ahhh Work what can I say it started out normal then I get the e-mail from offending child.  Begging me to not punish her ,my reply was the same,  As she proceeded to plead her case through e-mail and my no was now in caps, all I could think of is, I can’t believe we are arguing with e-mails.  Things just did not brighten up any and it’s time to go home to kids laid out all over the place frying their brains with the TV. GAWD I hate it when they’re home all day.  Dogs running amuck and nothing done, I want to run away. When I arrive home things are much better and the offending child has gotten over the morning encounter. Laughter is coming from the living room and dishes are cleaned up and the dogs didn’t seem as obnoxious so hey this is better.  Then a senior moment came over me and caused me to go into overload with one of them. As I am briefed on my own actions that caused this overload I apologized and shut my moth as I can see I am not really better. Then one pips up and said are you done fighting with L? Because I don’t want to hear another feight like this morning. Then I had to listen to how the day got started for the offending girl.  She said I scared her out of sleep and when she jumped up she ran into something and hit her head, as she, barley, stood there dazed and confused I am yelling you better answer me.  Now we are all laughing as we get to see both side of the confrontation.  Ok I need to relax or I will blow an artery.  So we cooked and ate dinner or they cooked and I ate dinner. Life got calm and I barked out one more order to get the grass cut before Sunday, and headed down to my room.  This morning I am so happy it is the last day I have to go home to the brain fried kids, now if I can just get out of the house without an incident I might get through this with my attitude intact and  because I need all the patience I can muster up to get through Easter.  We pack'm in at the holidays and I can barely get through holidays anymore, It has become the hardest job I have to do, make a house full of people happy all day, cook a ton of food and fend off the dogs. As I made my 12th trip down to the basement looking for my shoes and back up again still looking for my shoe as if one more trip will make them appear; I realize I am out of time.  I ‘m starting to sweat as I’m feverishly runny around looking for the shoes: I had my socks in my hand the whole time I even mopped my forehead with them, when I finally found the shoes.  I sat down and then realized where the hell did I put my socks now. I had No time to look just go get more socks, as I am sliding into work hoping I am not too late to start the morning out Ok, when the first kid calls, can I go to my sister’s house, OK, Then the second kid calls, can I go see my friend; now when the third one calls and says can I hang out at the mall, all bets are off on the rest of the day.  So when is that grass getting cut? I told you all I wanted it to be done before Sunday.  Ya Ma I will cut it on Sat.  What if it rains? It’s not, I looked at the weather.  Ok if it rains I am going to blow and you will just have to suck it up, and it will be worse than yesterday morning,OK, good bye Ma. The one good thing is, at least I won’t have to go home tonight to fried kid brains from the TV. 


Let the games begin.

When I look into the eyes of Joey and Marley I see a little devil. They are two peas in a pod when it comes to personalities. Not a bad devil a big tease, a clown, jester, scamp just a goofy dog. Everything is a game to them.  They both play to win but will concede when I catch up to them.  They drop roll over and show me their belly.  The games they like to play are, catch me if you can, now you see it now you don’t, tag your it, keep away and can you pick up a wet noodle.  The game will begin while I am at my weakest moment the time I am running interference for the kids/other dogs, phone rings, knock at the door or I get the call from mother nature to run now. Whatever they can snag at those moments mostly paper towel, napkins or tissues is what they grab and go with. Never drop something in front of them because they can grab it faster than you can bend over to pick it up. I am not so fond of these games because I can’t begin to run as fast as these boys  and I am not so willing to smack into a wall or chair at top speeds as they do, so I must slow down on those corners.  The game will begin when I am least expecting it; because they have been here long enough I always try to keep stuff in my hand or under my butt any where they cannot get to it. The girls just lay their stuff on the end table they know I am watching them so they sneak up under the end table  between the chairs and stick their nose up on to the end of the table and grab, because they are not in my line of sight they get me every time.  I can see them coming when they are running on top of the furniture or on the floor in front of me, but that slipping in behind me thing, they found to be more conducive to the game playing. Now the game is on, they head for the basement, to hesitate for a second is the difference between getting the paper back and them eating/swallowing it. So I jump and yell “ you little bastard drop that”. Before I can finish the statement I am already in the hallway, and they are making the corner to my room. The whole time I am thinking broken bones don’t heal so well at your age….. By the time I enter the room they are shredding it and when I try to pick it up they grab what’s left and jump on the bed. Now you’re trapped give that to me.  I get the end of the paper in my fingers and look them in the eye and say give it to me, drop it, DROP IT. The eyes scream OK you win, and they will open their mouth. Then they roll over and go limp so I can’t hardly get them off the bed.  So I grab a couple of legs and drag them to the end of the bed and I swear they become a wet noodle, a limp dog becomes dead weight and it’s hard to pick them up, just getting your fingers under them between their back and the floor or bed is a job all by itself.  Once on the floor in there upright position, they take off running, by the time I get upstairs they are standing in the living room, and I swear they are smiling at me, or chewing there nylabone. Now under ware are coveted and they do not give them up so easy; we are now playing keep away and catch me if you can at the same time. Now that the door is open with the nice weather they hall butt to the back yard, once there I give: they learn so fast and change the rules as needed. When paper goes to the back yard I quit, but other things they run out with I yell at the kids to chase them.  The one good thing about the paper consumption is that even after it has been recycled through the system it is more visible in the grass and can be found easily on clean up days, so let the games begin clean up made easier.


A new amusement ride ye haw

The Hooligan boy as they are being referred to these days have been on a caffeine high tonight, as they got my coffee and now are racing through the house at break neck speeds.  They get louder and louder as they run up the stairs, down the hall and slam into the dining room chairs; then regain there upright positions as they make a 90 degree left turn, their nails connected with the carpet and  they went hell bent to the end of the living room. By the time they got to the end of the living room they had enough thrust in their butts that the collision that occurs at the wall  had the resemblance of a derailed freight train. As the two of them start to wrestle they do not care what they grab with them teeth of theirs and one of these days one of them is going to grab, roll and bite and then one of them is going to be a sister.  At this point the volume of the TV goes up and everyone is yelling for them to stop. I am in my room while the thundering boys are upstairs and I swear they are shaking the whole house as they came running back to the basement. They ran by me and again had another collision, they got back on their feet and headed for the stairs again.  My computer sits just inside my room as you enter it.  My chair actually is out in the isle way through the room. I have one of adjustable chairs that you just reach down grab a lever and the air leaves and the seat moves down. Sometimes it can come down with a thud if the air leaves to fast. As I am the only one who uses the computer down stairs the chair stays at the same height, all the way up. 
Away the boys go back up the stairs thundering all the way to the dining room chairs I started yelling for them to knock it off but the play continued. As they are running at full throttle back down the stairs,I am sitting here just responding to e-mail drinking another coffee as they got the first one;when they got to the bottom of the stairs and try to hook a left hand turn the first one collides with the door jam and the second one collides into the first then as they are trying to gain their upright positions and get some floor under their feet they tumble into my room.  They both get going at the same time, hit my chair and the little lever.  When my chair stopped moving in both directions down and over, I had spilled my coffee all over the front of myself and I am three feet away from the front of the computer. All I could do is just sit there and laugh, holding an empty mug of coffee. I have never had an experience like that where my ass got smacked as the chair bottom hit the lowest point and I was shoved out into the middle of the room all at the same time.  I am still snickering at the thought of the whole thing again.  Hey maybe I can sell this as a new amusement ride to Disney,

Colorful language

I have a potty mouth, but in my own defense I know when not to use my colorful language. I work in a warehouse environment with one other female the rest of the crew out here is male.   In the office that I share with two others the language can get so colorful that it surpasses my potty mouth. Now as long as the person using said language does not use the same colorful word as a noun, verb and adjective in the same sentence, and they leave the Holy guys out of the mix I am Ok with it being use around me.  My female co-worker has a sarcastic sense of humor like mine the difference is her language, it is the most colorful of all.  To know her is to love her, she says what’s on her mind and it’s mostly colorful sarcasm. I can drop an F bomb here and there but F bombs do not have color; as it is just an F word. My co-worker can take an F bomb and add so much color to it that she can break half the room out in laughter and the other half will get red faced. We have many construction men working out here and they come and go all day long, and on occasion they have an encounter with my co-worker.  She has an outside voice and uses it a lot, now these poor men have no idea if she is serious or not when the encounter takes place.  The encounter starts and the first thing I see is the deer eyes in the head lights look, then a red face or two starts popping up, I can see these poor men do not know who she is and have no idea what to say or do. I will often laugh or say something to let them know she is just kidding they immediately relax and often will jump into the banter and play along. Her favorite expression is” I am FABULOUSE” ! and depending on who she is talking to may throw in some color to that statement.  She tells everyone she” oozes preciousness from her pours”, and the sarcasm flows like water.  Needless to say  the stuff that pops out of her creates  the ROFLMAO effect in this office.  I can hold my own when it comes to the sarcasm but she has me beat hands down in the colorful language department.  I am mostly the silent one when she is in her zone, but will throw some off the wall out of character statement into the mix,  It is purely for shock value and often works I do not do this in front of others, so I can claim my innocents when the stuff starts to roll out here.  I will often blurt out something negative about her when she is in her zone to keep the spot light on her.  She is always trying to prove to others that I am the sick one in this office.  But I just sit here, then she will say” it’s the quite ones that you have watch out for, “Sue”! The third person in this office has colorful language so he is good in that area but lacks the sarcasm that  us women have,  but he holds his own back here and rolls with the punches.  We do not have many days that we do not have a good laugh.
The other day I saw this cute picture of a Pomeranian Dog, it was so poofy and fluffed up that its size was quadrupled and under the picture it said B@^&! I AM FABULIOUS. This has become her new mantra and proudly displays it in her cube.     
In a rant she was having with a co-worker she yells out sock cucker, now he started to laugh and she said “Hey this me being nice”.  I can sit with my back to her and put on my head set on and listen to music so I won’t be distracted but when she comes up with this stuff It just cracks me up. She can keep my day very interesting to say the least.  


Feet up tail out dead.

There are few simple pleasures in this world that can make me block out everything as I enjoy them . Being alone with the big TV and the couch is almost never heard of here so when it happens the rest of the world disappears my mind is shut off and I for a short time see nothing hear nothing and indulge in the fine art of  becoming a mindless couch potato. To enjoy a whole two hours of uninterrupted time in front of a movie with no other questions, explanations or fighting in the other room. I can count this pleasure on one hand that I have had in the last year or so. As the kids one by one left for the day and the dogs settled and barked for the last time, I found myself in a wonderful mindless bliss I had no intention of giving up. The hooligan boys came and went and time passed I knew that there would be a mess some place for me but knew it would be there no matter what time I went to investigate. My movie ended and so I had to come back to reality and go see what the boys had been up to. Of course as I made my way to the basement I cleaned poo as I went along.  I got to the back door and shooed all the dogs out and made my way down the stairs.  As I turned the corner and entered my dimly lit room and could see the two big Lincoln logs side by side in the middle of the room.  I turned and went up stairs to get paper towel and the cleaning spray, I thought now that was nice of them to leave them in the middle of the room and not the middle of my bed.  I came back and bent down to pick them up and thought what the hell have they swallow and recycled for me. I turned the logs over in my paper towel and to my surprise they were not logs they were dead mice and not recycled just dead, feet up tail out straight dead. Now, all I can think of is I am now becoming a wild life sanctuary. How many more of these things are running around? Do Bats eat mice????? or Good Dog go get'em.