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WTF or Damn Dogs house goes Moblie

I think I am a fairly good driver and I’m totally comfortable getting in the car and driving 3,000 miles across this country. I have a good GPS system in my head so I look at the map and get my direction and off I go.  Now the problem I have is reversing my driving direction to get myself out of where ever I have gotten myself to.  So to go left they right I need to go right then left going back out.  As I type this, it seems so easy, WTF is wrong with my brain.  I swear to the heavens above I cannot get this in my head when I am driving. So I have to look at the map and get my new direction and not think about how I got where I am.  My kids laugh at me and say “Mom I am the GPS now turn right, trust me”.  Now that is another blog, trust.
Last night the Damn Dog House went mobile.  I took the plunge and bought a Pop up camper.   Now in my mind I think that someone there will teach me how to back it up.  So the paper work is finished the trailer hitch put on the van and we are getting instructions on putting it up and how to use the appliances and the general care and storage of the unit.  The man is giving me all the last minute details of how the hitch works the stabilizer bar putting it on taking it off, but all I can think of is backing the damn thing into a camping spot, hell just getting into my driveway.  The man says get in I will drive you to the gate.  I am getting nervous because now it is time to learn how to do this.  We get to the gate he gets out and tells me to get in the driver seat, I comply and he shuts the door behind me and waves his hand good bye and says, “good luck and have a safe vacation” Now I have a huge WTF moment and said “aren’t you going to teach me how to tow this and back it up”.  No we don’t do that only a driver and he is not here. He said “you will be fine just turn the wheel the opposite direction than you want the trailer to go: Don’t cut the corners to short and remember it’s on the back of you van, and walked away.  I can’t even imagine the look on my face as my mood went from total shock to total pissed in the blink of an eye.  The girls start in Mom what are you going to do? Mom, are you OK? Mom, can we go home now we’re hungry.   Now I feel like I was just given a loaded gun and who knew how long before it would go off.  I scanned my brain for the logic of this unbelievable got your money and don’t care about what happens, sales. Now I am an educated person and I can learn this.  I am not sure how long I sat there before I put the van in drive and left.
The drive home was uneventful and not to awfully stressful, the whole way thinking I cannot learn how to back this thing into my drive; people drive 50 mph in front of my house on a highway. When we got home I just drove into the drive way and then was thanking my higher power for my huge drive.  The practice started immediately using every inch of my yard and drive way trying to get this thing backed in so I can get my van out.  One hour and so many forward backward moves that I was worrying that my transmission might poop on me. Now what I learned in that one hour is my brain is just the same as trying reverse directions.  It SUCKS.  Now let’s add the facts I am looking in a mirror that make me see things in reverse. Is there a name for what I have? Or am I just an idiot.  Now dyslexia did come to mind, hoping to have a reason for my inability to reverse things in my mind; as if this was going to make me feel better to blame it on something other than my sucky brain.
Well my parting thoughts on this before I drank my glass of wine and went to bed are, GAWD how long will it take to train my old, half dead mind to do this.  I know I can laugh at this, I just hope it is sooner than later.


Butt sniffing dog buisness

A few weeks ago the hooligan boy were separated for a couple of weeks and during that time we took in a new foster.  The calmness that came over the hooligan brother once separated was scary.  He just snuggled with us and sniffed the new girl.  The new girl just fallowed us around wanting us to save her from the other dogs as they all wanted to shove their nose up her butt.  I guess I don't blame her as I don't think I would like a wet nose in the butt either.  Of course she would run when they sniffed her and then the chase would be on.  The kids would scold the others for picking on her, then pick her up and save her from sniffing and chasing.  Now I know that it take about a month after alteration for the hormones to flush from the body so being a fresh young girl with stitches she was prime for butt sniffing. I told the kids to stop doing that because, this is dog business and we should not get involved.  As long as there are no bloody bits or fights, don’t' save her she does not need saving.  She came out of a single dog environment and she needs to learn how to be a dog.  Don't get involved in dog stuff. Girls being girls still coddle her when I was not around.  I finally had to put my foot down and yell at the kids, who now think I am an uncaring mean mom again.  Now the old saying rears its ugly head. "Be careful what you ask for you just might get it". Well she not only learned how to be a dog she is now becoming the leader of the pack, so to speak.  She is not an alpha but she is an instigator: the boys are back together and now I have three hooligans. I'm hoping I survive the troublesome three.


I scared the Hell out of her.

The dogs do pee on my bed there is no him hawing around the little bastards can make me crazy changing my bed.  Now this will take place when there are two alphas making claims on my bed.  Now as of late this behavior has calmed considerably as I have adopted two boys out.  Night before I am sitting at my computer listening to the sound of thundering paws above me, thinking I will have to go settle down the massive dog wrestling match going on up stairs; as I turned in my chair I saw Julie sitting on the foot of the bed as quiet as a mouse and all by herself, just watching me.  It was just the cutest sight so I puckered up and kisses the air in front of me as to send it to her.  I got no response from her, not a twitch or a blink.   I attempt to give her another kiss in the air, again nothing.  I’m thinking is she dead with her eyes open and head up.  So this time I just make the biggest kissing sound I can muster up and nothing.  This dog is just fixated on me and has not blinked or moved a muscle.  I then start using my feet to crawl to the bed sitting in my chair. As the chair is scooting along the caster twist and I stopped.  I bent forward to give myself a little more thrust to get the chair started again and at the same time I gave another big loud kiss.  Holly cow I scare the pee right out of the dog. She made the strangest sound and shot straight up and was catching some air under her and I could see the pee drizzling down her leg. I swear she came off that bed a foot and in midair turned  herself around and was running before her feet ever hit the bed.  When she came down she was half way across the bed and had not taken her eyes off me, and just as she turn to look at where she was running to she ran into the wall. I bust out into a belly laugh that made me think I was going to pee.  She heard my laugh and immediately ran off the bed and came to me. I was laughing so hard I could not pick her up and comfort her.  I scared the hell out of the little dog and had no intention of scaring her just making  a connection with her.  The girls came down to see why I was laughing so much, I couldn’t stop long enough to tell them.  I finally pulled myself together and grabbed her up to comforted her and just sat in the middle of the room on my chair and laughed as I cuddled  her. This poor dog must have thought I became possessed or something.


I have my own Parody

Now my girls are like most teenage girls and are totally taken by the Twilight series and the whole idea of cute vampire that loves a high school girl. Give me a good old blood sucking evil vampire any day. I like my movies with a good guy and a bad guy, not bad guy trying to be good.
I grew up on Westerns the good old cowboy shoot outs at the saloon was some of my favorite parts, I lived to see the cowboy jump off the horse as it was still moving and pull out his 6 shooter and stroll into the saloon to take out the bad guys Now the vision of these bowlegged guys wearing chaps swaggering into the saloon has always stuck in my mind. Then last week we get a movie called Vampires suck, in the mail through Netflicks. I have no idea it is a parody of Twilight, and the title has me wondering what it is.  Yes I did laugh as I do like parodies and the scene of the Wolf man boy wearing his hot jeans and his tail hanging out the back had me cracking up. 
Today I was enjoying the newly redone porch and the dogs where enjoying the ability to run in and out at will through their new doggy door. At one point the girls came out and the dogs done what they always do and start jumping up on them.  Can you all see what I see in this picture?

I swear this looks like a chap wearing cowboy Werewolf . Or hairy wishbone.


When I die I am taking my stuff with me.

I take advantage of every opportunity to talk to the girls about every subject I can think of,drugs,drinking, sex, education, relationships, death, etc. These opportunities take place in the kitchen when I am cooking; I truly have there undivided attentions when it come to food. The second best place is trapped in a car with me going on some road trip; these trips are hardly under an hour and often days. I invite and encourage questions and feed back.  Literally I preach and they listen then it turns into big laughing session as the English or lack of starts up and the off the wall things that come out of kids mouths. Today was one of those trips where we have our long talks, our subject was death...  It starts out harmless as we pass a cemetery, Mom this place looks creepy. Ya its full of dead people whats your point? Do they burn people here? Yes we call it cremation. The question keep on coming about whats in the house in the cemetery.  I said "it's a mausoleum and people who do not have plots of ground get put in boxes in there. Wow I want to see it Ma, You just said "it looked creepy" now you want to go in the house of the dead. Now the subject has turned into laughter and it deteriorates from there. We covered all the ways to be put to rest and then that lead into what did I want to do, go in the ground or burn.  I said" I don't care I will be dead.  Now price has come into the conversation and poor people. Now I am not sure any more how this is handled so I fudge it a little and again I am asked what did I want done when I pass.  Again I say don't care I will be dead.  I guess you can just burn me and plant me out back with Idgy my dog.  No ma we will put you on water.  I believe they call this pollution and its against the law.  I mean we drink the water, and its bad enough that the fish pee in it.  That sparked around of teenagers disgust: there's nothing like grossing out the kids to make me laugh. I made a comment to the fact that they could do what they wanted when I am gone I won't care.  Burning is cheaper. Then out of no where came the comment Ya Ma I want to be burned to and I want to take all my stuff with me, I'm not leaving any of my stuff when I die. What the hell you want us to leave you in the house with all your stuff burn it down.  Now I can not stop laughing then that gets everyone mad and the selfish one then starts screaming for me to stop. Then one of them says "when you go Ma we are going to sell the dogs". I then said I want to meet the person you sell Archie and Cabot to.  I am real sure you will have to pay them to take Archie and Cabot.  Okay we'll sell Gertie,  I yelled "I can't believe you would sell Gertie, that shocks me that you would sell my dogs that I love. You all better pray I don't go first because I am leaving everything to Gertie now.  No, Ma we are just kidding.


I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop

I haven't decided yet if last night’s dinner was to distract me from putting the kids in a structured summer school program or just why they were sucking up so bad.  I have to admit it was some of the best sucking up I have ever had from them. Now there are only three of them at home at the moment so life is settling down some. But out of school means I hate to go home.  They are all strung out on hours of Korean soaps and still in there PJ's. Dogs have had a field day and just terrorized the house because they don't watch them. I have been looking into some kind of school so I can live through the summer without killing myself.  I am at my last resorts and I even took the garbage can out of the house so everyone must take their own happy ass outside to the curbby container. No more "I don't know why the garbage is everywhere in the house" Now I am suffering right along with them as in the morning making coffee and a bagel will send me out that door three or four times.  I have to get up just a little earlier to give myself extra time to make all my runs to the curbby outside. So for the time being it’s better than coming home to Archie in the trash and half cleaned up coffee grounds that he has spread from one end of the kitchen to the other: then of course someone now has pissed on the coffee grounds, as if the Damn Dog wants them for himself. GAWD...
Well now the girls do not want to go to summer school of any kind so there for there has been a few improvements’ and last night was a humdinger.
I was not paying attention to the time and was working past quitting time and the girls call to find out when I am coming home as they are waiting on me to eat with them.  This alone is a first; they never wait to eat with me.  If they're hungry they eat no matter what time it is. Then as I am making my final statement about I am leaving now, I hear, we made dinner for you. (Click, and the phone goes silent) Now I am worried and am afraid to go home and find out why they felt the need to make me dinner as they don't do this.  They will cook but it is for them and I eat it.  They never make me dinner. All the way home my imagination has come up with every possible bad scenario I can conceive of. As I get out of the car hear the Texas fly swatter smacking a counter or two getting the dogs to be quite. Man I am starting to sweat now. Wow, I just wanted to get back in the car and drive away. I went in and they are all busing themselves putting food on the plates and pouring lemonade into their glasses. I had a nice glass of wine sitting next to my plate, they even using my hand painted wine glass that I got for Christmas. There were flowers on a white table cloth, and the most mouthwatering smells that engulfed me as I walked in. This alone is scary because the smell of iceberg lettuce and hot chili peppers boiling on the stove make a person lose their appetite.  The girls then say happy first day of summer we made you a nice dinner to celebrate the first day of summer.  I had a smiley face note that said I love you Mom, sitting next to my plate.  My first reaction was to be sarcastic and make some stupid remark, but decided to keep my mouth shut because this was nice and sucking up or not, I was liking it. They all start pointing out their contribution to the dinner and asking me if liked it.  "Yes, I love it, good job girls". I'm still waiting for the other shoe to fall when one of them says "Mom I made the chicken do you like it". Yes it’s good. Then she laughs and says I can cook American food now, so I can marry an American guy. Now if I had not known better I would have fainted dead from this statement but I just bust out laughing.  Ya,whatever.....
I then ask "how did you make the chicken what did you put on it". Then out of left field comes "the yellow stuff in the refrigerator".  Mustered?????  "Well I'm guessing this is a onetime only food" We ate and laughed and just had a wonderful dinner. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.


I'm not as sneaky I as I thought..

As much as I think the kids are not paying attention to me, it has come to my attention that they are defiantly watching me and making mental notes on my sneaky behavior.  Over the years they have kept track of the things I do to get their attention and, or try to get by them.  When I feel they are not listening to me I do things like hide things, make them disappear.  In the beginning they found something had come up missing they would ask for it.  I always, outright lied and said “I did not know”. Now I am too focused on hiding things so they will learn to take care of said things or just plain let them know what life is like without these little things, in hopes that they will learn something from all of this.  Now I am not paying attention to them because they are one step ahead of me they have found said items and are in full control of the situation at hand.  I think I am teaching them lesson and in fact I am learning it is me that has to learn they are much smarter than I am giving them credit for.  They now find and get the things I hide and I forget about them and they have full use of them.  When I started to smarten up was a few weeks back when I hid the ramen noodles. Now I know you’re asking yourself if she’s nuts, hiding noodles. Well I find the noodle packaging all over and never in the garbage, 50% of the time it’s my bed where the dogs drag it off to tear it up and make a mess. 30% of the time I find it on the counter where it was just left and 20% of the time it is in the cupboard where the garbage is kept but somehow it never makes it in the garbage just the  bottom of the cupboard. So I took the case of noodles that I just bought and hid them. By the time I find the packaging, it is at a time there is no one to yell at.  So because I will forget to call them on this, I hid things then they have to ask and I then remember I have to yell at someone.  I know my parenting skills will never win any prizes.  Any way because I had just bought the case only a couple was missing from the box when it went hiding. A few days go by and no one has asked about the noodles and this is strange as the kids are addicted to them.  Now I have a little flag waving at me but I dismiss it and go about life then a few nights later I am getting ready to turn in when I grab the blankets to straighten them out and give them a big shake and what should fly out, noodle packaging.  It’s late and all have gone to bed so now I must get the case of noodles to see who found them the dogs or the kids. I went rummaging through the closet till I found the box to see it size has been lighten considerably.  Yes this is kids so I move them to a different spot in the basement storage room on the top shelf feeling quite smart about my hiding spot. Now as I am crawling into bed I am imagining there surprise when they think they are sneaking the noodle and find them gone. I give a little smug giggle and turn the lights off.  A few days go by and one of the girls says “Mom can we please have some noodles” Wow I finally get to call them out, for their lack of clean up and their belief that they pulled one over on me. About half way through my speech on, if you’re not going to clean up properly I will not buy any more noodles and then we won’t have a problem.  When the youngest starts to laugh and says “ ya Ma I still know where you hid them”.  “And how do you know where they are”? I know where you hide everything I find it. Holly Cow batman you can’t find Easter eggs how do you find the other stuff I hide? I just know where you hide stuff.  Well my smugness has been replaced with the meeting of the minds.  I will just have to get craftier than they are now.


Someything is wrong with your dog???

I am having my porch and deck redone with all new screens a door and a doggie door put in.  I have had this wonderful structure that was one of my favorite things about this house but unable to use it much because the previous owner’s dogs took out all the screens and killed the door. The deck on top allowed the rain to soak through and keep the porch wet all the time.  So for the last three years it has been an outside potty for the dogs that just did not want their feet to touch snow or just did not want any part of going in the grass.  This year I finally had the money to make this a wonderful spot to sit outside and enjoy summer without the bugs and poo the dogs seem to think belonged in there.
Last night it was time to settle up with the contractor: he came by and we sat outside and talked I wrote him three checks because for some reason my idiot hat was on way too tight and I just could not get it right. As we sat there and laughed about my lack of brain cells and enjoyed the dogs playing around us, I hear him say your dog is hurting itself.  I turned around and saw a couple of dogs just kind of standing around behind me.  I ask him which one and he said "that one".  Now I am use to the kids not using nouns but that one just did not narrow down the list of dogs I have.  So I ask him "which one"? Again he points to the dogs behind me and says "that one".  I see we are going to have a problem so I start narrowing down the field by pointing and calling out color of the dog and saying "this one". No! the one that is licking his foot. Okay now no one is licking anything. Again I keep trying to narrow down the choices so we can get to the dog that is hurting itself.  He keeps saying "No, not that one".  Then I said “is it the little one, Julie" and I pointed down at her. As she is the last one it has to be her but I am not seeing anything out of norm about her.  He says "yes look at her feet she has hurt herself" I turn and look down at her feet and turn back and said" No, that would be my girls are home for summer and board she just has her nails painted".  Now we both got a good laugh at that one and he said "I should have guessed that one with all your girls".  I can tell he did live with a bunch of teenage girls....


Where did you get your dog?

I try to not blog angry as I loose myself and who I am.  Today is the exception to my rule. This is not to insult just educate folks and blow off steam. I need to talk about the so called rescues out there that are not in the rescue business for the reason they should be.  I will not call out names or point fingers as this is not my style but I hope to educate potential adopters on what they need to look for.  Anyone can set up a rescue give it a name and get some, give away dogs and sell them for some pocket cash.  The internet that has helped so many dogs find wonderful homes is also helping the scammers. So many of us in rescue have learned the hard way about the scammers and we are taking a beating for it.  These folks give the real rescues a big black eye. I worry about the dogs that are used for these scams.  I worry about the good folks with good intentions getting taken when their new family member turns up sick and they have to pump tons of money into the dog because they are often bonded with the dog before they even touch it. Sometimes the dogs live and sometimes they die.  But the scammers have their cash and good luck with getting your money back.  Our laws do not protect these little dogs because they are still considered property and not a breathing feeling life. With the country in financial problems and cuts that have to be made our little four legged friends are kicked to the curb as the laws that need to be changed, won't, our politicians  are too busy with the deficit, crime, terrorist and keeping this country going. So the scammers, abusers, hoarders and the breeders for money not for a better breed are out there in full force taking advantage of every little nook and cranny they can find to get a dime from the folks who love these little animals; that we as a mankind were put in charge of not owner of. Don't be fooled by registered pure bread dogs.  My rescue is full of them I throw the papers out, they mean nothing unless you’re showing your dog, or competing with your dog.  Fighting these people and groups will have to be done in the trenches were it all starts.  I have had to resign myself to the fact that I cannot save all of them.  So to educate is what I can do to help stop these people.  The money stops and they stop.  We need to stop buying cute puppies from neighbor, coworker, pet shops and back yard breeders.  The majority of pets are obtained from acquaintances and family members. Twenty-six percent of dogs are purchased from breeders, 20 to 30 percent of dogs are adopted from shelters and rescues, and 2 to 10 percent are purchased from pet shops. Approximately 5 million to 7 million dogs enter animal shelters nationwide every year, and approximately 3 million to 4 million are euthanized. These numbers are not even counting the numbers that go and come from private rescues and the ones that don’t end up in a shelter they just end up abused and or neglected. 12,000 a day are euthanized and these numbers are low. So if we do nothing, nothing changes. If we speak up and refuse to help these unethical, uncaring and plain unthinking people stay in business then we will win one dog at a time.  Yes the cold hard facts are they will still die by the thousands every day because we all have to start somewhere and nothing changes over night. I have had to harden my heart to stay in rescue and this saddens me to think I must harden myself to be able to sleep at night, to be forgiving and to stave off the helplessness that I feel. But I know that the animals and kids of this world have no voice so all of us must stand up and be the voice of the abused and unfortunate of our humanity's future.
If everyone who reads this and stops buying and taking these little animals we can put a dent in some ones pocket, yes it will cost the life of animal but this is the price we must pay for allowing this to get this way.  I do not believe there is one person or one thing that is to blame I blame our society as a whole and yes I was ignorant and bought a dog from a breeder looking to line her pocket.  But my eyes are open and I can no long stand by and look the other way. My part is done, one dog at a time and by educating the folks who do not know about the problem behind the cute little puppy face they see and want.
Many folks are starting to be more responsible and getting there dogs/puppies from shelters and rescues: hats off to you, but now we must see the other problem that is out there taking advantage of the unknowing caring folks trying to do the right thing.  The unthinking neighbor who has allowed there dog to get pregnant and feels better about what they allowed by giving the puppies to friends rather than putting them in shelters.  The problem is still there, is the dog fixed?????? The people that are using the word Rescue to line their pockets.  They are picking up dogs on a death list and craigslist, free puppies in the back of a truck in Wal-Mart parking lot. Now these pocket lining people now put their ads up on line for the unsuspecting public that have no idea these dogs have never seen the inside of a vets office.
To arm ourselves with tools to catch these folks at their own game is what we must do to find out who the real rescues and rescue folks are over the others.
If a rescue is not 501c3, does not mean they are not good; it means they do not have the funds to apply for this, or do not want to, but having one surely shows more creditability because the time and money spent to get this status is very difficult and shows that your group is motivated and monitored so doing this for a cash crop is difficult. We cannot profit from this in any way. We are here for the dogs.  But there are some fine wonderful caring independents that are out there to save a dog and do everything in their powers to make sure these dogs get good homes and vetting treatments needed.
Yes there is ways to weed through them.  First ask question lots of questions.  Where did the dog come from is there an owner surrender signed document, Do you have signed papers form the shelter you pulled this dog from.  Shelter just do not hand out dogs, there is a paper trail that fallows the dog. When was the dog last at a vet and do you have documentation.
The difference between a shelter and a rescue is rescue has time to work with the dogs help them to get into a family that is best for the dog and family, not one or the other. Shelter is there for all and any dog, they do the best of their abilities with the time and money constraints they must live in.  Recue foster home are volunteers they do not get anything except to know we/they did the best they could to get this dog in the best home.  Never hesitate to contact the head of a rescue over the foster home to make sure everything is on the up and up. We all make mistakes and we must correct and do better. This cannot happen if we are not all held accountable for these little animals. Again ask questions, here are some more to help get started.
Are you a 501c3 rescue?
Do you allow adoptions of dogs that are not altered?
Are the dogs in your care Heartworm tested and preventive meds given?
Do the dogs in your care have all their vaccinations up to date?
Do you disclose everything about this dog and stand behind it with paper work?
Will you adopt a known biter to a family without their knowledge?
Has this dog displayed any behavior changes or health concerns in the last month? (If a rescue is turning over dogs to quickly they will not know the temperament and it is their job to know these things before passing the dog on to a forever family.  Is your dogs adopted out on a contract that it must be returned to the rescue if something happens you can not keep the dog? If they get a truck load of dogs that are on a euthanasia list and then start adopting them out within days of getting them, why was the dog on the list: sick, aggression, no space, get the answers and then make your decision?  All dogs are cute and we fall in love with pictures but we do not have to live with that picture we have the living breathing dog that we pick and must accept.  Pick and choose before you get the dog.  Not after you find it’s just not as wonderful as the picture. Please be a voice and stand up to the pocket liners that only want money, or the ones who want to make themselves feel better about taking your money and don't let the word Rescue be your deal breaker. Educate yourself and be your own deal breaker.   I will offer to alter your pet before I take your unwanted and pray you can learn and understand what your doing. I will turn the spot light on your dirty business before I turn my head the other way so you can keep doing what your doing.
I now stand down from my soap box. Sue Yancey, A founder and President of Naked K9 and small dog rescue


Heart attack OMGAD

There comes a time in every pet owners life that we panic over something one of the pets have done.  This panic often comes when we notice something that is just not right in our pets.  The feeling of my GAWD what has happened and are they OK. I had one of these moment the other night when I came home from work.  I was sitting out side enjoying the wonderful warm breezy day with the dogs.  The dogs are doing zomies around the back yard and just having fun.  After a short time we went into the house to to deal with the evening consumption of food; as we are looking in the refrigerator for the 10th time in hopes that the next time we open it more food will appear, I notice one of my dogs limping and only walking on three legs.  My heart fell into my shoes and I quickly grabbed her up to see what happened to her front foot; I started to look carefully so not to hurt her any more than what she already was.  I looked for blood and then looked to see if she had pain. As I am maneuvering her foot I felt her toes and they seemed twisted I sat down to look closer and found that the only thing wrong with her was her toes where crossed, like we would cross our fingers. At this point I wanted to bean her in the head as she just gave me a heart attack and she only has her toes crossed and couldn't get them uncrossed. OK so she has long nails that's my fault. I guess I am the bad mommy and she should bean me in the head


Can you add a noun?


English is our house is slaughtered; pronunciation cannot even be pronounced by my kids, let alone done. So communication is often the ruler of my day or lack thereof. So for my kids to know a word and how to use it and say it often takes me by surprise and some time pure shock. The girls only use Pronouns so the subject is always lost. This, that, he, she, it , thing, and my favorite is You know mom. Hell no, I don't know so let’s start all over again and use a couple of nouns OK.  One of the girls was arguing with one of the other girls and I over heard her say "Shut up T. you’re so annoying",  I almost choked because she said and pronounced it perfect with just the right tone.
One day last week I was working away in my room when I overheard that someone was coming by and this someone was a person I had no intention on seeing or speaking to. So the mature 59 year old woman that I am, ran up the stairs grabbed my purse and yell "Hell no, I'm out of here".  Now the girls are not sure how mad I am or where I am going. As they have only seen me so made I had to leave one other time in their lives. I jumped in the car and left. Now I turned my phone off and went to the movies to get the knot out of my panties. I immersed myself into a stupid comedy that totally failed to make me laugh. After the movie I decide that home was still not a place I wanted to be so I went shopping. And for the folks that don't know me I rather have open heart surgery than to go shopping.

Now I have wanted to buy a bigger TV for my room, as it sets so far away and a 19 in. screen with my old eyes it's impossible to read. I have to get up to go stand in front of the damn thing to read the TV guide so I know what is on. I left the theater and saw a Walmarts close by and they are in my price range, so off I went to Walmarts. As I am walking through the store feeling like turning around and leaving,  I see a rack of jean on sale. I decided that I might as well get into the swing of thing or take my butt home: I flipped through the jeans as mine are becoming thread barren and I was not sure I had 5 more years left in some of them. I found a pair and forced myself to try them on because there was no way in hell I was coming back to exchange them if they did not fit. I made it to the electronic department with the one and only jeans I could force myself to buy. I did find a bigger TV in my price range of course the clerk was ready to choke me if I did not leave. I had no idea someone wanted me out of the store more than I wanted out of the store. I made it out of the store with the TV and my pair of jeans without a major anxiety attack. I drove home under speed limit as if the couple of minutes I spent extra were going to make me able to deal with the shame of my temper tantrum. Now I know my kids are worried and have called me a few thousand times so I must deal with them and my behavior. Fair is fair they get to call me on my behavior as I will call them on theirs. The two older ones are on the patio waiting for me: I parked the car in the garage and walked up and they started in on me. I hung my head, not to low I am still big dog here but was feeling like a little kid. One of the girls said" did you go to the movie"? Ya how did you know?  She said “because the last time when you got mad at us you went to the movie”. I had no idea I was that predictable. Then they wanted to know what else I did because the movie is only two hours. I told them I went shopping. First they were shocked then they wanted to know what I bought for them. Nothing this time I bought for myself a pair of jeans and a TV.  Then straight out of left field came "hallelujah it’s about time". I had no idea she even knew this word let alone how to use it and say it correctly. Little did I know that all my failed attempts at bettering my mood was sitting on my patio and all I had to do is buy something for myself and bring it home.


HALLS junkie

 Now somethings still have not changed, Marley is still an opportunist and will steal things and eat/chew them. He has developed a taste for Halls cough suppressants.  I had no idea that he was getting hooked on my throat lozenges.
I take medication that makes my mouth dry and some times its hard to swallow, I found that halls will temporarily relieve these symptoms.  I keep water at my bed side but found that it only helped a little at night time and made me wake up more to pee; the Halls did last longer and did not make me pee so I now keep both on my night stand for easy access. At some point I noticed the Halls drop were gone most mornings; I was thinking I must be eating them and not remembering. I thought the smell of eucalyptus would wart of any dog nose and hey they were asleep so they would not bother it.  I now know this is not so. Then the other day I had a bag of Halls in my purse so I could take them to work.  I heard the paper crinkling in the kitchen and saw that the dogs where trying to open the bag.  I took it away from them and put it in my purse thinking they got it off the table. Later that night again I hear this sound and find Marley in the kitchen with the bag of Halls. Now at this point they have not gotten into them, just persistent in trying.  Again I put them in my purse push the chairs in so they can't climb on the table and forget all about them. I still have not put two and two together, so today I go to my purse to get a halls and find the bag is missing.  I know the kids like them and think they are candy so I start blaming them for taking the bag, as I see no evidence that the dogs has gotten them.   I got my usual, I don't know and I did not take them, from the kids. Later I was sitting on the sofa and Marley jumped in my lap for some snuggle time when I noticed this red sticky subsist in is face hair. I then went searching for the bag looking for the guilty party or parties. I found some strange pink stains on the pee pads on the floor and thought is that blood????  I then moved on to the stairway and found Halls wrappers scattered over the stairs and hallway. Now I have red flags flying all over my head and my education kicked in and I could put two and two together and came up with the Damn Dog. I went to my room and found them on the bed. I went back upstairs to get the camera and when I returned all the dog followed me back.  While I am taking this picture Marley grabbed the bag and ran like hell. I am hoping to find him a twelve step for his addiction.


   I find it hard to imagine or believe that my dogs have it in for me. The proof is indisputable and making these little finds hard to believe that they are just a coincident. They have left these little chew toys in varying places to do the most harm.  The humans of this house are unaware of these menacing objects left for us to find the hard way.  To step on these or sit on, as they have left them in my bed and I have sat on one, causes the most discomforting pain. 
I thought I must be reading to much into these little toys but I am now not so sure. Yesterday I split the Hooligan boys up. I let one go to another foster home so I could work with a new foster that needed more help. I new the home would be a wonderful foster home for him but worried how they would act to being separated. I get up in the morning to this. I know I am not being parodied but I will turn the lights on every time I move in the house.  Even though they are both doing marvelous and have settled down 100%, I believe I did the right thing and now believe they are going to be great additions to a new family, but I will be ever vigilant when moving around my house.       


English and Phones ??

My kids English is troublesome at best, and has a hard time taking messages, it's just about out of the question.  I tell them to direct the caller to my work phone and then there are less problems. That always does not happen either.  They still do not understand the machines that call phones for human telephone solicitors.  So When I hear them say Hello three or four time I yell hang up, its a machine. Now if I am at home they bring that phone to me and then I hang up. I have yelled at them so much they hang up on everyone, they even hung up on my brother, he called back and they hung up again.  He called back and yell "don't hang up", we all got a laugh out of that one. Now they are really confused. So now they answer phone and lay the phone down and don't hang up. So the phone is still problematic around the house calling in. Then I tell them if they don't ask for me by name I don't want to talk to them hang up. It seem to be getting a little better. The phone rang and we are all in the kitchen getting something to eat and the oldest picks it up and then says"hello" then she just stands there for what seem to be eternity. then she finally says"she is busy call back", then she listens for another millennium then put the phone down in front of me.  Now in my mind I saw her hang up then put the phone down.  But she starts in about a person that makes us nuts here at the house, and no one really wants to be bothered by this person. I then realize who she was talking to and I start running my big mouth Bla bla bla, in a not so nice tone and using some colorful language on top of that: when she reaches over the counter and grabs the phone quickly and looks at it, to see if she really hung it up or not. I immediately choked on my words and thought how am I going to apologize for my behavior. It was clearly a WTF moment and in the split second it took her to check the phone and me react to the embarrassment of my bad behavior she says "Oh" and put the phone back down. Every one realize that she had really hung up but for just that second she caught all of us off guard. The laughter at that moment became out of conrol. Then the girls call me out for my behavior and big mouth. Wow no end to the red face for me.


Damn Exchange student

Last night was graduation for my second eldest daughter lots of activities and laughs and just a great day. On the way home  after dinner we are all in car laughing and making fun of the thing we all done that day to embarrass our selves, talking about what we will do on Sunday and just winding down the day. The Damn exchange student, as she has earned her title. Says "what time is the first bus in the morning"? Our Graduate speaks up and rattles off the complete bus scheduled for the whole day of Sunday.  Showing us her that her education is complete.  The jokes stopped by the time we got home.
This morning everyone starts stumbling out of bed around 7:30 and sometime after 8 the exchange student leave and say "goodbye see you around 6 tonight", now I am thinking first bus is at 9:50 on Sunday she must be walking. Then the next kid leaves at 9:30 then the third leaves at 2:30 and the day move on with me and the other two girls and Damn dogs.  It a sunny, breezy balmy day and the dogs are running in and out and barking, I am ready to commit Harry Carey letting dogs in, as a load runs out. For the life of me I could not get the little bastards all in or all out at the same time. By
 3 PM I am ready for a nap so I can survive.  But Damn dogs think they have to eat at 3:30 so for the next two hours they jump on and off the bed barked at every sound they hear as the breezy day outside kept the branches on the tree next to the house moving all day long. One of the girls at home baked a cake and, well let’s say there was no complete nap just closing and opening my eyes and yelling shut up. By 5:30 my head is pounding and I feel like ripping their heads off and so I get up and feed them. Then as I am winding up the feeding of the dogs the exchange student comes home and the barking starts all over and my humor is gone.  She bounces in the house, I'm yelling shut up at the dogs and saying 'I'm not sure I can go through two more bark session when the others come home": when the exchange student starts to tell us about her day.  She says "Mom do you know what happen to me today"? I got to the bus stop to early and had to wait around for the bus for more than an hour.  I started to laugh because we had just the night before laughed about the bus times. Then the next kid come in right behind her and starts in about how she saw her in the morning standing at the bus stop. Both of us was laughing because we both thought the same thing when she left, must be walking. She says "I was wondering why no one said to me why are you leaving so early" I told her "You know even though your leaving in a week for your country does not mean you won't still be a damn kid in the damn dog house. You'll just make someone else nuts.  Then I ask what were you thinking when you left. She says "I was thinking if I leave at 8:20 I will get to the bus stop around 9:50". It's about 30 min to bus depending on how fast you walk. I couldn't stop laughing because her math was just one hour off. Damn Exchange student fits right in this house. I got my humor back...


Pizza or NOT

We have a restaurant/pizzeria here in town that is a local favorite eating place for as long as I can remember. They have won more awards for their pizza than I can count. Everyone here at our place of work loves this restaurant’s pizza as they pile them high with whatever you want, they are mouthwatering, so when management does a recognition luncheon for their department they order from this restaurant. Yesterday was our department’s luncheon and the pizza flowed. 
We have a small department just down from ours called label lab, today they ordered their pizza’s so they would be ready at lunch time.  Lunch time came and one of the guys went to pick up the pizza’s and when he arrive the fire department was their the local news, as soon as the shock wore off he drove down the road and picked up some 5$ hot and ready pizza’s so they would have something to eat at lunch.  He came back and told everyone that our favorite pizza place was on fire. Now we heard the news with great disappointment as the folks in label lab had their mouthwatering for this wonderful pizza and all they got was a 5$ hot and ready.  The jokes started immediately.  My co-worker and I said glad we had ours yesterday as we laughed at the sight of 5$ hot and ready box walking by us. There was mention of getting one of the boxes from yesterday and as the person held up his left hand above his shoulder as if he was carrying a pizza, and pretended to drive with the right hand, then said he should drive by the label lab on the fork lift with the box. The visuals of this sent all into a bout of manic laughter, which for a while was out of control as the joke just kept on.  As all settled down and we went back to work someone sent out the news article that the fire was small and in a vent pipe and basically not going to shut them down for more than an afternoon. Well the jokes started in again.  Glad its Friday……

Bats and Blogs

Blogs are still a mystery to me.  I am not sure what I am doing but why I am doing it is a great stress reducer. Telling stories about the chaos that has become normal to me helps me to take a breath and look at the funny side to all of this.  I never knew it was so amazingly therapeutic. Now I can't spell and my grammar and mechanics are not going to get me any A's. I am told that no one will read my blog if my spelling and grammar are bad.  Ok, don't care it’s for me that I write.  But the stats that are kept on blogs are giving me the, who, how and where my blog is being read, and it makes me scratch my head in WTF.  Who knew that I have a really big following in Russia?  Thank you Russia.  But a couple of my blogs have created what I call a ton of attention.  Now, Bats in my Basement, has caused a lot of searches I have learned. This mystery made me do some research on my own, about why would so many folks search for my blog about my bats.  Wow I would have never guess so many people have bats in their basements it seem hundred and hundreds of folks complaining about bats in their basement, and just as many giving advise on how to get them out.  I thought bats liked the belfries/attic. I have to stop watching so much TV I'm starting to believe this stuff.