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2012/01/20

Sleepless rantings

Often bad things that come into our life leave us sleepless and worried. But tonight I find a good thing that happened has left me sleepless and worried, but in a good way.  My higher power has answered my prayers and it truly was the answer I was hoping for. But now I can not sleep with all things that will change for me. After hours of just laying in the bed thinking of all the things I must do now, I just decide a glass a wine and blogging was better than tossing and turning.  When you sleep with as many dogs as I do tossing and turning is not a good thing it keep them up and every time they are disturbed they have to come out from under the blankets shake  them selves silly and then flop on top of the blankets till they get cold which is just about the time I am drifting off again.  Then it is nudge push and nudge push some more till I allow them back under the blankets, again this process can take for ever because once they are under the blanket now we have to circle to right 10 times then circle to the left as many more times and only if I am lucky that is all the circling that is needed before they settle down.  If my luck is not with me the directional circling can go on for what seems like an eternity which sets into motion a whole other set of sleep interruptions that will keep me up and the other dogs far longer than I can stand. Once I have to speak to them I am fully awake and now have time to think.  This is not a good thing and often leaves me dragging through my day at work and a total inability to function after work.   I believe this will be my Friday as I am totally awake and thinking of all the things I must do.  Blogging  and a glass of wine did seem a better choice as the results will be the same tomorrow.
I read a blog today and it was about life with out dogs and it was a good thing for this person as the dogs in their life did not always have a good memory for them.  I thought of myself, dog less and thought what would I do. In the middle of the bad stuff I long for the time of no responsibility to an animal.  But that thought is replaced quickly by the fact that all the things they have added to my life good and bad I would be lost with out one or ten as it were. It is one of the things that will leave me thinking for hours at night. The fact that I am defined by the dogs and kids in my life is not a complaint but just an observation on my part.  I try to think of all the reason I should not allow this to be the case but only one that keeps me here. I love what I do not matter how exhausting, it is a comfort to know at the end of the day I did something good. 
Retirement is close and I am planning but no matter what I think I will do I can not see myself doing anything different than what I am.  My youngest teases me about how we will share her graduation and my retirement party together.  All of old folks can go inside and sit and talk and all the young kids can be outside driving the neighbors crazy with the noise,  Ok so I am not looking forward to sharing these two occasions together.  I can't even imagine what the banner hanging in front of the house for the world to see would say. 'Come celebrate the end of one and the beginning of the other".  Well I feel I am just ranting and the wine is having it way with me. so I bid you all a good night.

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