Bad Mommy

I guess you could say I am a Bad Mommy.  I love to take advantage of a situation to get one over, on my kids. If I don’t have a situation I will make one. I tell the kids you have the Grouchiest Mom in the world and it suck to be them.  But I am not grouchy by nature the kids and Damn dog make me crazy.  So on those times that no one is stomping the hell out of my last nerve I like to get back at them by driving them nuts.

Now we have a rule with the phone, no calls in and no calls out after 10 PM for the most part I hate the phone so the kids on the other hand love the phone and they will drive me to the edge of insanity with it.  Now I know that their friends will  break that rule in a heartbeat, and the kids can’t just hang up, before they have a 10 minute conversation. So to stop the incoming calls I told the girls to not answer the phone after 10 PM, or the wrath of Mom will drop down on them like a  bird on its prey.  One night after a couple of glasses of wine I had to check this rule to make sure all were compliant.  I got the cell phone out and call the house phone and laid in wait for the soul that picked up.  Now I snared two of them on that one.  One picked up an as I am sucking in air to explode on her the next one yanked the other receiver up.  I had just enough wine to get my academy award  that night.  I could hear them all through the house yelling at me,  Not fair you set us up.” Ya and it Sucks to be you”….

I like to take the dogs ,yes all of them, when we make short trips to the market. It helps with their socialization.  We would get out of the car and start to walk away and they start in howling.  We call it singing.  We could count the steps we would make before they start in.  Now the dogs behavior is a given and predictable so on occasion when the devil got to me and the parking lot was full of people coming and going.  I would use my best outside voice I have and yell out, “Hey is that a pack of wild dogs” “Oh my GAWD look at all them dogs in that car.”  Now the girls start shrinking and telling me to stop it, Mom.  Then I will start to laugh and won’t stop.  Now they just walk away from me.  At my age not much embarrasses me, But those girl will turn so red they look like they are going to start bleeding about the head and face.  If we go into a fast food place they all run to the bathroom first and I am left to hold our place in line.  So when they come back, I’ll yell “ Line cutter, the end of the line is back there”.

When we travel they all fall asleep, now sleeping pics are my favorite. You fall asleep and I’ll get a picture of you with foam coming out of your mouth or hugging a dogs butt, you name it I have a picture in the family album of it. 
If we need to go somewhere early in the morning and they don’t get up on the first call I open their door and let all the dogs in.  10 excited dogs can get you up in a flash.

When we first moved into our house I discovered I could hear the girls talking in their rooms from the heat ducts in the laundry room.  One night they are all in one of the bedrooms on the first floor and I am in the basement doing laundry, so I decide to see if they can hear me.  I reach up and start scratching the heat duct, It cause such a ruckus that they left the room screaming, as I sat in the laundry room laughing my ass off.

Now if they call mom at work and I am not busy,   they become prime targets and open season just started.  It starts out “ Hi this is Sue.” “Mom”  Hello!, Mom, Hello!, MOM! HELLO,   click .  They call back and I do the same thing when they catch on then they yell at me.  Or I look at caller ID and know it’s the house phone and won’t say a word.  The silence can be deafening.  Sometimes they hang up on me to just call back and have me do it again.  Then I will answer as if I am somebody else then they think they have the wrong number, I can kill ‘em on that one, they’ll hang up and call a half a dozen time before they catch on. The whole time I am telling them they are rude to keep calling this number and make an old lady walk across the floor with her walker to answer the phone.  My co-works tell me I am rotten playing with them like that.  But what is a Mom to do, we have to retaliate. It’s just more fun when we do it from a slightly younger maturity level than them.