Look Mom they're purple

My girls just love nail polish and have always wanted to paint the dogs nails but because the ones with the least about of hair around their feet have been males they have not gotten to do this.  Tonight one of the girls is sitting on the couch talking to the dogs, she holds up Jack kisses his chest and says "Jack I love your hair on your front it is like a mans front". Now my shock at the comparison between a dogs hairy chest and a mans nearly knocked me off the chair. I just sat there and looked at her then one of the new dogs jumps up on her and she said "I really like this new girl Mom she has more hair so she is faster than her sister and she is more happy girl". OK, now I am not even watching the TV any more she has become more amusing to me. As she is kissing the dog all over she tells the dog not to scratch her and grabs her feet, Then shows me the dogs toenails with great enthusiasm and says "look I can do bla bla bla with her". Now translations often are just ignored as we do not understand and don't care. So off she goes up the stairs talking in her language to one of the other girls.  Now I am watching TV again because my amusement just left the room, When she returns sometime later saying "look Mom they're purple". What's purple? and then she shoves the dogs nails in my face, and tells me she did not find the red so she used purple. I told the dog "I am sorry hopefully she will get this out of her system soon".  Now her comes the other girl bragging how good she did the nails.  Socialization 101 begins...

Small little brown dog with some hair.

Every dog has a personality as distinct as humans.  They have their qualities that pretty much run across the breed but they are not alike.  Breeding, external stimuli, environment and health can play a big part in the personality of every dog.  I have had a great opportunity to observe many dogs most of the same breed for long periods of time that allow the dog to feel safe and bond with so they can be themselves. Watch them change as their environment changes and observe their personality blossom. To become the dogs that families are looking for.
 Now when most see the Chinese Crested they either like there looks or they don’t.  So this makes it easier to target potential adopters. Just the name Chinese Crested and if they don’t know the dog, one look and they move on or they find themselves with a cornucopia of dogs to choose from.  I have no idea how they came up with designer dogs but all the shelters in this country are full of designer dogs.  When I was a kid they were called mutt either word does not describe these little creatures that do not fall into a category where they can be targeted by potential adopters.  I do not believe pet finders has a category for small brown dog with some hair.   So for all those folks that just don’t understand the plight of dogs in rescue, It’s one thing to help save a dog’s life, but finding someone to love this dog for ever is a whole new job.  You have to have a marketing degree and a good eye for taking pictures.  Being able to promote them to make potential adopters want to stop on them and read their bios and know they may have the perfect dog for their families, it's becoming a business of its own.  There are so many dogs in rescue most of them are just plain mixed breeds and adopters are not looking for a mixed breed they have a look in their mind and that is what they want.  Rescues have had to get innovated and start thinking outside the box to get there dogs out there and looked at.  Most start with a breed and work out from there. But when that little waif falls somewhere in the middle of dog breed parameters it become a very difficult job.  Now folks that are looking for Chinese Crested dogs most think of the hairless ones now for the smaller group of knowledgeable folks that know about the breed and they can be hairless or with hair. They can target in on the kind they want, but again they are looking for this breed. It breaks my heart to see this breed mixed with other breeds because of the hairless gene that can be more dominate in a dog  that has no other physical characteristics of the breed.   The hairlessness is a big turn off for a lot of people so these little dogs can linger for a long time till someone stumbles on them and falls in love.  Now if a dog is a hairless Pug or hairless Beagle but has the best personality and loyal to a fault  and every other wonderful trait we look for when we are searching for the new family member.  There just is not a category for hairless something or another.  Everyone who looks at their picture will think they have some illness that has caused the hair to fall out and they move right along to the next picture.  When in fact they are as unique as there hairless counter parts that have their own breed.  You just won’t find many that look like any other dogs they are a one of a kind.  But how does one promote this dog to the world of potential adopters.  It’s almost an accident that the right person will stumble on them.  

I have 4 of them two brothers who are litter siblings  and two girls that are of a different set of parents and of the same litter.  Only one of them has some sort of plumage on the top of the head that is a breed characteristic. The others are just plain short hair dog on the head with most of the body hairless. They are with out a doubt  the funniest cuddliest most affectionate dogs and would be a great addition to someones family.  Their personalities are as different as night and day.  Some are class clowns one is just grouchy about sharing her human and two are hooligans that with the right family they will excel to world class family dogs.  All are of the puppy age but full grown. These are my sleepless night dogs.  I want them to have a life they deserve and will live up to but how do I reach the masses?   

Lunch for one

This simplest things in life have the biggest impact on me.  Just watching this squirrel this morning burrowing across the front yard forging for food makes the day seem sweeter. Now I'll have a hot bowl of chile and be grateful I just have to drive to the corner market for food.

Killer desk

Sometimes life just speeds up and I have no way to get folks moved over as I go flying by. In one week the number of kids dropped to 5 and the number of dogs will go up tomorrow to 11.  I used the study to put the girls up for a few months and kicked the dogs to the basement. I am now reclaiming my room and kicking the dogs back to the study. The two desk  that were in there went to the garage now the fact that it took 4 of us to move  one of them and about 15 minutes, is filling me with dread that it has to come back. Everyone on a corner pick it up  shuffle two feet and drop it down or lose a draw, hand or foot.  Now I would have emptied the drawers before we tried to move it, but by the time I was dragged into help move the body killing desk was when it got stuck on the porch. We had to do a little thinking outside the box to get the thing down three steps.  Then move it across the patio and down two more steps and through the gate and lastly across the drive way to the garage.  This does not seem so bad as I am writing about it but the damn thing almost kill all of us.  Now all 4 of us are different highths  so when we pulled up on the corners it made the desk tilt in every direction, I thought I could hear the sound of a pin ball machine binging  as we worked our way across to the garage. I was on the corner with the drawer and it would tilt in my direction when I would relax my arms and let them hang straight down. The drawer would fly out, then I would pull up and it would tilt in the opposite direction allowing the drawer to close again smashing my hand.  I was trying not to drop it but about the 5^th time it smashed my hand I was ready to smash it back.   Now three teenage girls think this is really funny and now they have the giggles. For those of my readers who have not witnessed teenage girls with the giggles it is pathetic they cannot do anything but giggle, and they can’t stop giggling.  So the more my hand was smashed by the drawer the more they giggled and could not stop.  My use of every cuss word in my vocabulary did not faze them.  They would set the desk down and bend over with laughter.  On one of the small painful short burst of movement before putting the thing down again, one of the girls lost her slipper and then it tripped the girls in the back. This cause her to stumble and the desk moved forward and caught her in the shin.  Then I laughed and said “that’s going to leave a mark”.  We all started to laugh. Then one of the girls set the thing down on her foot.  That would be the one without a slipper on it.  By time we got the thing in the garage we were all rubbing some part of our body. I have no desire to move the thing back into the house so the girls can do home work on it. I pulled out the card table and told them to deal with it.

It seemed like a safer solution than bring back the killer desk.

Just looking for the phone Mom

When I came home tonight I just put my purse next to the door because of course there is a poo to clean up. The purse is always on the table it is part of the kitchen decor.  The purse has not moved since that time. I have been up and down the stairs many time tonight but left the purse there.  Now I am doing some work in the basement and one of the girls ask to use the cell phone because she needs to make a long distant call and house phone has no long distant service (keep the kids honest and money in my pocket). So I hear my phone ringing but I do not have presents of mind to catch it's my phone.  I then hear a voice coming from upstairs saying"I found it, I am looking for your phone MOM",  So I get my presents of mind back and realize she is calling the cell phone because she does not know where my purse is.  As I am laughing,  she then explains how they find the house phones as there are three and never in their chargers.  I am not sure I can translate her English in to my English but it involves going into different rooms and screaming on one of the phones. I have no idea what they accomplish by doing this but it did clear up the mystery of why I hear them going from room to room screaming.  They're looking for a phone.  Am I the only one who does not know this stuff.

Part 2- So, you think you can do it better

The Girls believe they did a great job at shopping and got everything they wanted, and it only took three trips back to the checkout lane so they would not embarrass themselves by over spending their 150.00.  They got it so close they spent the  change in the gumball machines at the front door. 

I do not buy soda for the house and the girls only get it if we are in a restaurant.  I use to buy juice but then that was drank in place of water.  So I stopped.  I want them to drink water but they think it is boring and want sweet drinks of any kind.  Number one on their mental shopping list of things was juice.  A gallon of Apple juice and a gallon of Orange juice. They thought this was a great bargain it only cost X amount of money. Yes but when there are three drinking a 16oz glass in the morning, after school, for dinner and then a snack in the evening that is a 192 oz a day and there is 128 oz in a gallon, now my math says you’ll be out in less than two days.   One of the girls said ”No! mom we won’t drink that much” as she is trying to only fill the glass half full then sits two more glasses  next to it and bend down to see if they are all filled equally.  I said “want to barrow my ruler”?  Then there was the big slab of salmon, they found it on sale. I did not even look because Salmon in Michigan in the middle of winter will give me sticker shock.  Now they only bought one bag of oranges wow they showed a lot of restraint on that one, I buy two or three and someone always yells  they never got to eat one.  Oatmeal I buy the big round container.  They thought they would buy the different kind in the smaller round container that had strawberries in it.  What!are you kidding me there are no strawberries in there it’s just a picture.  Did you read the ingredients? Then I get, but it will last one week.  “Yes” I said it will last only ONE week. They found they had money to buy ice cream, donuts, hamburger buns.  What !you guys don’t like hamburgers and it’s a pack of 16. Ya mom, we got hamburger so we can make them. “Ya”, I said “ how many times this week”?  Eight tomatoes now again in the middle of winter they have no taste and are hard as a rock and I don’t waste my money.  They got the  cheapest loaf of bread, mostly air.  Now I don’t eat it so they may have a bit of a problem getting that down.  It will be interesting to see how far this goes.  The oldest read the blog and got right on that computer telling the other girls they had better have enough food because she is coming home from college this weekend and wants to eat. Can’t wait for this one.  I guess the finger will be used a lot this weekend.

Now the girls always call me at work to tell me to stop and pick one thing or another up on my way home.  So it is 10 minutes before I leave work and they call.  I yanked the phone up and yelled “are you out of food already”?  Now I am sure I got the finger for that one because I just start laughing and won’t stop long enough for them to tell me why they called.  They hate when I do that to them.  It will be an interesting week to say the least.

SO! You think you can do it better?

I hate to be the target of ridicule as most do.  Today I make my stand with the kids.  Every week I am the target of the kids because we don't enough food, I did not buy the correct food and the easy food goes quick.  Now I have task the kids you think you can do it better go for it.  I gave them 150.00 and told them they had to buy two bags of cinnamon and raisin bagels because if they screw up I want to make sure I will survive this little experiment, and hair conditioner.  I told them to take the calculator pen and paper, and a list would be good too.   As far as I know they took none of the above items. They did ask what conditioner to buy.  I said "it depends on how much money you want spend on your hair vs your belly". They laughed and said they would buy the smallest and cheapest they could find. I warned, be careful  you all have to use it too.  I said "how will you know how much you have spent if you don't have your calculator?" We won't spend it all and if we have left over we will go back and buy more.  OK! If you don't get enough for the week your going to be hungry at the end of the week.  They laughed with confidence as they jumped out of the car.  This may be a disaster because they just see something they want price is no problem and put it in my cart.  As I am checking out I find it, Hey! who put this in there?  Oh Hell no, take it back.........  Now they think they are rich and they have 150.00 in their pocket and no mom to yell, put it back. Now I will have to hang tough this week when they have eaten 150 dollar worth of junk in three days. I dropped them off 20 minutes ago and I am curious how many trips to the reg. they will make to spend all the money.
Stay tuned for the results of grocery shopping experience. 

THE Finger

There are many things in this world that I find very offensive but the middle finger is not one of them.  I find this gesture comical and silly.  I realize the rest of the world does not share this with me, I do not and will not allow it used in public by any of us. But at home it is used among  our family as a sarcastic visual that will instigates around of  loud sparring that ends with laughter.  Now it is used as a subtle gesture to show displeasure or in a disagreement, often  used to scratch ones forehead, arm or rub an eye with, to keep the sparring down to a college roar. We never use it when we are in a full blown argument, as all of us know the boundary of its use. My kids have indeed picked up my sarcastic sense of humor, and uses it right back at me.  Because I can be encouraged and so can the kids we now have a cycle of unappropriated sarcastic humor. But for good or bad it has created a bond titer than crazy glue between us.  My fear is that my dogs are picking up on this behavior and what will the rest of the world think of us.

Sleepless rantings

Often bad things that come into our life leave us sleepless and worried. But tonight I find a good thing that happened has left me sleepless and worried, but in a good way.  My higher power has answered my prayers and it truly was the answer I was hoping for. But now I can not sleep with all things that will change for me. After hours of just laying in the bed thinking of all the things I must do now, I just decide a glass a wine and blogging was better than tossing and turning.  When you sleep with as many dogs as I do tossing and turning is not a good thing it keep them up and every time they are disturbed they have to come out from under the blankets shake  them selves silly and then flop on top of the blankets till they get cold which is just about the time I am drifting off again.  Then it is nudge push and nudge push some more till I allow them back under the blankets, again this process can take for ever because once they are under the blanket now we have to circle to right 10 times then circle to the left as many more times and only if I am lucky that is all the circling that is needed before they settle down.  If my luck is not with me the directional circling can go on for what seems like an eternity which sets into motion a whole other set of sleep interruptions that will keep me up and the other dogs far longer than I can stand. Once I have to speak to them I am fully awake and now have time to think.  This is not a good thing and often leaves me dragging through my day at work and a total inability to function after work.   I believe this will be my Friday as I am totally awake and thinking of all the things I must do.  Blogging  and a glass of wine did seem a better choice as the results will be the same tomorrow.
I read a blog today and it was about life with out dogs and it was a good thing for this person as the dogs in their life did not always have a good memory for them.  I thought of myself, dog less and thought what would I do. In the middle of the bad stuff I long for the time of no responsibility to an animal.  But that thought is replaced quickly by the fact that all the things they have added to my life good and bad I would be lost with out one or ten as it were. It is one of the things that will leave me thinking for hours at night. The fact that I am defined by the dogs and kids in my life is not a complaint but just an observation on my part.  I try to think of all the reason I should not allow this to be the case but only one that keeps me here. I love what I do not matter how exhausting, it is a comfort to know at the end of the day I did something good. 
Retirement is close and I am planning but no matter what I think I will do I can not see myself doing anything different than what I am.  My youngest teases me about how we will share her graduation and my retirement party together.  All of old folks can go inside and sit and talk and all the young kids can be outside driving the neighbors crazy with the noise,  Ok so I am not looking forward to sharing these two occasions together.  I can't even imagine what the banner hanging in front of the house for the world to see would say. 'Come celebrate the end of one and the beginning of the other".  Well I feel I am just ranting and the wine is having it way with me. so I bid you all a good night.

Free 50 Bucks

I am starting to believe my kids and the retailers are in cahoots.  It’s an outright conspiracy.  I’m not sure where to start but it came to my attention a few days ago.  We are what you might say a little financially embarrassed at the moment. College tuition need I say more…..  The kids, who think I am rich always need something or another and I am constantly  in the NO mode.  I just wish they would quit asking.  I want to write in big black bold letters across my forehead NO. If I had a bigger head I would write “Get the hell off my last nerve”.  Kids being just that, KIDS they keep asking just in case I have a break down and say yes.  Mostly they get my unabridged addition of curse words. 

Now when the snacks/ quick and easy food depletes they start in about how hungry they are and there is no food in the house.  My reply is “freezer is full”, but it often falls on deaf ears. This being a long weekend for me in  more ways than one, they start in on Friday and act like they are starving, “Can we go out to eat”.  “Please we can go to a cheap restaurant”.  Now what does cheap mean when you’re taking 6 kids and yourself out.  The bantering continued till my last nerve was stomped to death and I let’m  have it.  Things calmed down  for a day or so and I went about what I needed to do.  Then the oldest came to my room on Sunday night and said “hey Mom I found your 50 dollar visa card and I activated it.”  I said,” what are you talking about”? You remember last year when you bought your new cell phone and you got 50$ back. “Ya Kinda sorta “  She reminded me about how she filled out the receipt and mailed it back to the company.  I am a doubting  soul so I mostly don’t believe when I am told to fill out the back of a receipt and send it in for a rebate I will actually get it without a lot of hassle  .  I am the person that all retailers love because in my mind, how much is this 50$ costing me.  I figure there are 168 hours in a week.  I physically work 40 at my job another 60 at home and mentally I am on the clock 24/7 now you take another 42 hours out for sleeping and that does not leave much more than three hours a day to shower play on the computer and watch some TV.  And someone wants me to fill out the back of a receipt. Now 50 dollars is nice but to mentally keeping track of it and making sure it happens, I probably won’t do. So I remember when the visa card came and all I could think of was I did not ask for this.  Must be a scam so I through it in the pile of other papers to be forgotten and moved a couple of dozen time.  I was looking for something else in the pile so the bag with the pile in it was on my dresser in my room.  The oldest sees the card and knows what it is and calls the company to activate it.  Bless her heart that was so nice of her to help me out.  Not! Her and one of the other girls cook up the scheme  to get me to use the card and take them out to eat.  Sometime had passed after I had been reminded of the card and it being activated, when I am called to the kitchen.  I walk in the room and realize something is cooking and it’s not food.  They promptly explain that I did not know I had the 50 bucks so there for its like free money.  So now we can go out to eat.  And by the way I was reminded again about how someone in the family did all the work for the said 50 bucks and what a nice way to pay it forward.  LOL  Are you kidding me I am not taking anyone to eat.  Your plan has one flaw.  I am not dressed and need a shower, it’s almost 6 and no way am I going to start this process so you can eat.  Then I was presented with many options, such as drive through, carry out and they would go in and get it and I could sit in the comfort of my car and they would do all the rest, lets not forget delivery to.   I hit them with my unabridged addition of curse words and went to my room.  I am real sure this is not the last time I will be reminded of the free 50 bucks

Hurdles,or not

When I was in High School we did not pick a sport to join we had gym and did it all. We wore a green gym suit and if we did not participate in every thing we failed the class.  We did not have to be good just participate. Being short and round my body just did not fit into the realm of sports. But to keep my grade good I participate. Now the pain and suffering that went along with that participation was often more than a young girl could endure. Not only did I fall and get hit, I suffered through the humiliation of my peers laughter. I am not sure if it made me stronger or just made me better at staying in the back ground out of sight easier. After high school my involvement in sports was keeping score for our community little girls softball team and on occasion helping couch the girls. For this I only needed a good outside voice.  Since I have been working with a large pack of dogs I have had to hone my hurdling skills. I use baby gates through out the house so we can keep dogs contained and out of trouble.  Not that it always works but it does help sometimes.   I will not go into the disgusting nature of some dogs poo eating habits, it is what it is. That being said I have a few of these dogs and it is a daily job to stay one step a head of them keeping these yummy tidbits cleaned up before than can be devoured. Now if a parasite moves in it can just run through a pack so cleaning up is of utmost  important. Now I have a couple of dogs that are so quick at this that It has been an up hill battle to keep the parasites out of the dogs. So I have dug my heals in and declared war on the poo eating dogs.  I kennel them and when they are released I follow them around till they poo and quickly clean it before they do.  I have found that 15 minutes in the freezing cold will not produce the desired affect  I am hoping for so we just go back in. Now this is where the hurdling comes in.  I confine them in one area so I can keep an eye on them and not let any of the other disgusting poo eating dog have at it.  You know the old saying a watched pot never boils. Well a watched dog never poos. You must take your attention elsewhere and voila nature takes it course. This is where it gets tricky to know when to look and how fast can I get there to get it before they do.  I have gotten much better at hurdles even at my aged and I still have the short round body, I learned how to get to the poo before they can.   I am not perfect and have gotten some really close views of the cracks in my floors, and did you ever look close at the weave in you carpet. I have manage to do this with out injury until now. 
The morning started out as usual and I have the dogs contained in the hall way that we have lined with piddle pads for just this purpose. I put the coffee on and look back to see if nature has called, and I see one in the position and one at the ready for when it drops. I run for the gate and make my leap but there where a couple three things that kept me from making my hurdle. One I am wearing flip flops and have baggy jammies on.  The third unnoticed obstacle is my senior dog Archie digging at the corner of the gate trying to get into the kitchen, when my last foot left the ground I saw him. I hesitated just enough to allow my leg to drop and my flip flop snag the gate.  Now things happened really fast after that but to keep from falling on the dog I quickly tried to recover from this but only to get my flip flop entangled in in the leg of my jammy. So after the house quit quaking from my fall I am regaining my presents of mind to only look up and see my intended  targets both helping themselves as nothing will interrupt them when they are focused.  The rest of the dogs run for the hills and Archie unscathed made it to the kitchen where the garbage can called for him.  I grabbed my knee and rolled around on the floor moaning as if by magic the pain would go away to only realize I was rolling in a wet spot.  I have now added insult to my own injury. I through in the towel literally and cleaned up the mess surveyed my injury closer and took a shower.  I now have ice on the knee and the dogs are all kenneled again leaving me to lick my wounds and my pride. Just glad that no one was around to see this, my latest adventure in life with the Damn dogs.

Today is not forever

Mostly I try to find humor in my chaos and the world around me.  I never knew that writing could be so enjoyable.  I am not good at it my spelling is terrible and yet I find such pleasure in knowing that in the 5 months I have been doing this that I am being looked/read by folks from all continent .  I thought if just my friends liked what I was doing I thought myself  lucky.  I have tried to understand the blogging world but I still find it confusing at best.  I was encouraged to start this project but now find it therapeutic. I love my dogs and my kids and anything that makes me laugh.  It is what gets me through life. I started my meaningful life at 53 before that it was my selfish life. I am tired most days and sometime can not make it through a day, but know when my head hits the pillow at night I am blesses to have this life,  I seek humor, friendship,love all the thing most human seek to help them through it all.  I do think of my life as normal but find it is not. So many have found a laugh or two in the things I deal with daily.  To that I am happy to share, everyone needs to have a laugh or two and to know that there are things in this world that are different and yet good.  That there is more to a dog peeing on your bed than hatred, there is another side to life and if we look at things with an open mind and find the humor in it all we will surely be blessed. We as humans have the ability with in us to over come diversity, hatred and evil. We must try.  Today is a day I am having a hard time to find my ability so I am writing about it. My writings today are just to help myself overcome hatred and ugliness that sometime creeps into my life. I will over come this but the process  of getting through it seem overwhelming today I am longing for the lighter side to pee and poo. That ugliness will not rule me today.

Hair or no Hair

For those who are not familiar with the breed Chinese Crested dogs they are very unique in that they offer so many choices.    They come with or without hair and some are in between For those who breed them I am not an expert on standards for the breed what I am is totally enamored with the breed.  So my apologies to the group of folks that are well versed on the breed.  I find it amazing that one breed of dog can look so completely different from each other.  The Powder puffs resembles a uncut Poodle or have long straight hair.

The hairy hairless can have varying amounts of hair 

and then the True hairless can also have some body hair but they mostly have no body hair or little or no tail/ feet hair .

They all have the plumage on the top of head that is called the crest. The crest can be different from dog to dog also. I rescue, foster and re-home these little guys, so I have had the pleasure of meeting over 100 of them. Grant you they are all not pure bread but at rescue level that is not a concern.  I am always taken by the different hair growths that each one has.  During the cold months I often do not shave body hair and it’s when they are naked after a few months that the odd hair growth is so obvious.   Some have a hairy butt. Some have a Mohawk along their back bone, some look like they have a bad toupee on.  

The litters are always a surprise because you cannot breed to get one or the other.  You get what you get.  Mostly I find you like them or you don’t.  To know them is to love them.  If you prefer hair or hairless they all possess the same unique way to love their humans like no other breed I have met.   

They are great little bed warmers and at my age it goes from warm to flame on, times that by 10 and it becomes a blanket on blanket off night. If your into mothering things this is the dog for you.  Now it is best to let them sleep naked so there is no overheating for them or their human. Mornings are always a race,  to see who pees first, Mom then clean up after dogs who can’t wait or Dogs and clean up after one self because I can’t wait. These choice have me moving a lot quicker when my feet hit the floor.  Get them up, get them dressed and put them out to do their thing.  Now with ten I just put them out naked, and yell pee quick and run back to the bathroom.  Now that we have all pressing matters taking care of I get them dresses. They rarely smell but will have dry skin that can be rather annoying to them and us. Too much lotion mean more bathing to keep their skin pours clean.  Now with 10 I find I can deal with a few flakes over 10 baths every few days.  They can get fleas but I have never seen them nor do I treat for them.  Their laundry is bigger than mine. The living room always looks like an unmade bed because they all like to burro in the blankets add the kids blankets and  you have to pat down all the furniture to make sure there isn’t  dog or kid buried before you sit. 

 The pile of kids dogs and blankets  heaped up on the couch makes finding them difficult.  I’ll go to bed and get comfy turn the lights out and then remember I forgot to count dogs.  If one or two is missing I have to back upstairs and start shaking them out of the blankets.  I will find a kid now and then along with the dogs.  Going to bed takes much more time than getting out of bed does.
They are so snugly and most will become velcro dogs. They love humans and crave there companionship. Living with a herd of them has its moments but I would not want it any other way.

 

Bad Mommy

I guess you could say I am a Bad Mommy.  I love to take advantage of a situation to get one over, on my kids. If I don’t have a situation I will make one. I tell the kids you have the Grouchiest Mom in the world and it suck to be them.  But I am not grouchy by nature the kids and Damn dog make me crazy.  So on those times that no one is stomping the hell out of my last nerve I like to get back at them by driving them nuts.

Now we have a rule with the phone, no calls in and no calls out after 10 PM for the most part I hate the phone so the kids on the other hand love the phone and they will drive me to the edge of insanity with it.  Now I know that their friends will  break that rule in a heartbeat, and the kids can’t just hang up, before they have a 10 minute conversation. So to stop the incoming calls I told the girls to not answer the phone after 10 PM, or the wrath of Mom will drop down on them like a  bird on its prey.  One night after a couple of glasses of wine I had to check this rule to make sure all were compliant.  I got the cell phone out and call the house phone and laid in wait for the soul that picked up.  Now I snared two of them on that one.  One picked up an as I am sucking in air to explode on her the next one yanked the other receiver up.  I had just enough wine to get my academy award  that night.  I could hear them all through the house yelling at me,  Not fair you set us up.” Ya and it Sucks to be you”….

I like to take the dogs ,yes all of them, when we make short trips to the market. It helps with their socialization.  We would get out of the car and start to walk away and they start in howling.  We call it singing.  We could count the steps we would make before they start in.  Now the dogs behavior is a given and predictable so on occasion when the devil got to me and the parking lot was full of people coming and going.  I would use my best outside voice I have and yell out, “Hey is that a pack of wild dogs” “Oh my GAWD look at all them dogs in that car.”  Now the girls start shrinking and telling me to stop it, Mom.  Then I will start to laugh and won’t stop.  Now they just walk away from me.  At my age not much embarrasses me, But those girl will turn so red they look like they are going to start bleeding about the head and face.  If we go into a fast food place they all run to the bathroom first and I am left to hold our place in line.  So when they come back, I’ll yell “ Line cutter, the end of the line is back there”.

When we travel they all fall asleep, now sleeping pics are my favorite. You fall asleep and I’ll get a picture of you with foam coming out of your mouth or hugging a dogs butt, you name it I have a picture in the family album of it. 
If we need to go somewhere early in the morning and they don’t get up on the first call I open their door and let all the dogs in.  10 excited dogs can get you up in a flash.

When we first moved into our house I discovered I could hear the girls talking in their rooms from the heat ducts in the laundry room.  One night they are all in one of the bedrooms on the first floor and I am in the basement doing laundry, so I decide to see if they can hear me.  I reach up and start scratching the heat duct, It cause such a ruckus that they left the room screaming, as I sat in the laundry room laughing my ass off.

Now if they call mom at work and I am not busy,   they become prime targets and open season just started.  It starts out “ Hi this is Sue.” “Mom”  Hello!, Mom, Hello!, MOM! HELLO,   click .  They call back and I do the same thing when they catch on then they yell at me.  Or I look at caller ID and know it’s the house phone and won’t say a word.  The silence can be deafening.  Sometimes they hang up on me to just call back and have me do it again.  Then I will answer as if I am somebody else then they think they have the wrong number, I can kill ‘em on that one, they’ll hang up and call a half a dozen time before they catch on. The whole time I am telling them they are rude to keep calling this number and make an old lady walk across the floor with her walker to answer the phone.  My co-works tell me I am rotten playing with them like that.  But what is a Mom to do, we have to retaliate. It’s just more fun when we do it from a slightly younger maturity level than them.  

Why bother?

Now I have my days when I could have stayed in the bed and got just as much accomplished.  You get up let the dogs out use the facilities step in a puddle of pee.  Ok we are off to a good start.  Let dogs in and make coffee turn around and step in poo.  Its early I can control myself, coffee will be done soon and life will be good again. Pop a bagel in the toaster, add cream and sugar to the coffee and now we’re moving.  I have my coffee in one hand bagel in the other on my way down stairs to check e-mails, when I drop my napkin, no problem I’ll get it on my way back up. I finish breakfast and head up stairs to put dirty dishes in dishwasher and pick up the napkin that was dropped.  What the hell which one of you Damn Dogs peed on it.  Now all of that cleaned up and dishes are washing and I’ need to make my bed.  Back down the stairs I go, when I refer to down stairs I am referring to basement, it is dark with very little light coming in the small windows so If I don’t turn on the light before entering I may find a surprise left for me by one of the Damn dogs.  My room is about 800 sq. feet it is the recreation room, but I have my sewing, reading, and TV area computer bed and so on in there.  I call it the mom area my place to get away from it all.   Well I dream of a place like that to get away from it all.  It now houses the dogs during the day so I have kennels all over the place and in the evening the dogs won’t leave me alone any way.

Archie is the only one that does not want to spend any time with me he is busy getting into the garbage he has no time for me anymore.  I have to keep an old cover on my bed during the day so no one marks it.  I keep the known markers pee banded but it is the occasional you never see who it is marker that gets my bed.  Well because I did not make it straight away and the markers did not get banded first thing it looks like pee fest 2012 was celebrated on it. So I throw my bedding into the washer and get the broom vac and proceed to vacuum the floor and the small area rug.  Its fine for dust and small things but thread on the carpet it just won’t pick it up.  No matter how many tries I take it still on the rug so I bend down pick up all the thread and roll it in my hand till it’s a ball, then through it on the floor so it can be picked up by the broom vac.  And now it won’t pick it up because it’s a ball of thread, Of course the trash can is right next to me.  I would yell at the kids for doing that I guess the pee fest got the best of me.  As I am going into the corners I find dried pee spots under the sewing machine behind the computer desk.  Ok so now I have to mop on top of it.  I head up stairs to get the mop and find another poo I have to clean up.  I am getting ready to line’m up and nip their little pee pee’s off and cork their behinds. I have lost control now and decide to just sit and watch TV.  I shut the light off down stairs and plop on the couch with the dead remote.  Of course my butt is down so going to find more batteries is not on my list of things to do.  I just keep mashing the buttons harder thinking somehow it will start working.  Then I smack it on the arm of the couch still hoping to revive them batteries.  It’s getting close to noon and I’m thinking snacking sound good.  I am on my third cupboard and still nothing to snack on without major work to cook it.  I end up at the fridge and search through the green science projects that have been pushed to the back and forgotten, hoping for a small tidbit that can be warmed up and consumed.  No luck and Oh hell NO! I am not going to start cleaning the fridge out, those kids made’m they can clean them out.  Oh Well might as well just watch TV, It’s not long before my mind has completely turned to mush and I head back to the fridge hoping something eatable has materialized while I was gone. I look one more time in the cupboards, and settle on another cup of coffee.  Kids come and go I’m still in my jammies and my hair has a case of pillow head that would scare the dead.  I am now in a zombie state.  I have watched 10 episode of the Law and Order 24 hour marathon.  I have been back to the fridge a half a dozen times and I still have not found anything eatable.  I finally gave up on the remote I forgot to let dogs out now I have another round of messes to clean up and I still have to mop up dried pee in the basement.  GAWD I can’t even go to bed and pull the covers over my head as they are in the machine wet.   

The way I see it is, if I stayed in bed the dogs would not have peed and pooed all over the house because they will sleep when I sleep. I still would have dried pee under the sewing machine and have not eaten a thing.  The remote upstairs is still dead and there is still green stuff in the fridge. But I would have slept through it all in a clean dry bed.

Resistance is futile

Dogs personalities are as different as day and night, having over a 100 dogs come through my house I have had a chance to see the differences and how they change as their lives change with a new environment.  They often change again when they leave.  They are the most adaptable little creatures and truly are a gift from God.  When they first come some just pee if you look at them. Some want to eat your hand all the way up to your shoulder, and others run and hide  but there are the ones that just bounce on in and make themselves right at home.  They are the remarkable little ones that everything just rolls of their little backs and they take everything in stride.  When they jump in the middle of a pile of sleeping dogs and get totally bitch slapped by all of the, now awake dogs. They just shake it off and go find something else to do.  They truly dance to a different tune.  Not much affects them they don’t completely act like a dog and yet they know all the little doggy tricks to get their humans to stop drop and roll for them.  As their human counter parts they know how to weave and spin their cuteness webs. We get entangled in them and even after we know we have been caught we just give in and let ourselves get tangled even more.  We are slaves to that cuteness thing they posses.  How can you say no, how can you get mad, just one look and we are toast.  I have one of these dogs that can charm even the most diehard dog hater.    He wants to be kissed and he knows just what to do to get the kisses he seeks.  He has a little sound that is very much like a grunt he makes when he wants a kiss and no one is paying him any attention.  When folks stop by and he starts in, it is not long before they ask what is up with your dog.  One lady thought he was angry.  She said I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make your dog mad.  I said “He’s not mad he wants a kisses.”  She laughed and picked Jack up.  He placed one paw on each shoulder and stuck his neck up to her face.  She hesitated and drew back thinking he might bite, but he gave a big yawn and pushed his neck to her face.  I said “ Kiss him that’s all he wants”  I could tell she did not want to kiss this dog at all, but she gave him a quick peck as if she might lose her face or get a germ from the kiss.  I didn’t count but it could not have been more than 5 minutes before he had her kissing him all over the face and neck.   The dog she came to see, she lost all interest in after that. But alas he was not a good fit for her home but she wanted him so bad after that. I thought she would never leave and I was afraid I would have to frisk her on the way out to make sure she did not have him under her coat.

If I am at the computer and not paying him any attention he will start with the grunts, now I know what he is up to but I keep ignoring him.  Soon he is jumping on my leg and wanting in my lap.  I still ignore him. Then he just crawls up on me so I make room for him and keep on with what I am doing.  I soon get his head up in my face.  I move my head and he moves his. We play this till I am in pain from holding my head in every possible position other than straight up.  Then he turns to face me and the paws come up on the shoulders.  I give him a couple of kisses and he won’t move, I give him a few more and he just keep pressing his neck to my face.  Now I have stopped what I was doing and have him in both hands kissing the devil out of him, then from another room I hear “ Mom you kiss to loud and we can’t hear the TV. “  I now know he got me again.  I push him away and he comes back, at some point I feel like he is smothering me and he has not licked me one time.  My lips hurt and I can’t breathe so now he goes to the floor.  He does leave but it’s not long till I hear “Jack, I’m not going to kiss you go away.” With the accompanying sound of smacking lips making kisses.  I believe at that point he makes his rounds to all the girls to get kisses.  By the time we go to bed he smells like the perfume counter at the high end department stores.  Now Jack is a pudgy little guy and I tell the girls to not give him extra food.  Not that it works because he has not lost an ounce.  I catch the girls sneaking little tidbits off their plates to give to his Cuteness.  He truly has all the girls wrapped around his paw.

He walks in a room surveys his targets and then starts.  He will do some crazy antic to get attention, and it works he is a show stopper.  Then after a few entertaining moments he singles out his intended target, and it’s not long till the sound of kisses fills the air. Resistance is futile.

My latest trip

  

Mom and Dad with Older brother and myself in Feb. 1954

My second day back to work after the New Year and I’m unable to keep my mind on my job.  As I sit here I let my mind wander just far enough on the other side of the door to the company that I find myself taking a little trip down memory lane. It brings back such found memories for me, I often reminisce about my childhood with the kids. The girls and I love the kitchen not only because we like to eat but it is a warm and happy room with lots of window to see out and a relaxing view to enjoy while we cook and eat our dinner.  I use this time together to drive my message home and to reminisce. Some days it’s just a few memories and other days it is a flood and we can sit in the kitchen and talk and laugh the night away.  Growing up my father had the gift of storytelling.  He could spin a tale and had us hanging on every word.  He told us of his life on the Mississippi River and his migration to Michigan. We sat in our living room every night begging him to tell us more stories, or just repeat our favorite ones. It wasn’t till after he passed away I learned that most of his stories were fiction, but the memories of those days were happy and we didn’t care about truths we just love the story telling that brought us all together as a family.  Now I have found I possess some of his story telling abilities, I just have an endless supply of topics and a life of chaos to talk about, no need for fiction. 

We grew up poor, with Poor Mans gravy and potatoes towards the end of the month and eating bliss at the beginning of the month.  There was always food just not always variety. Our house was the favorite house on the block, Wednesdays all the kids from the neighborhood came over because that was bread making day, hot fresh homemade bread. You could smell it all over the neighborhood.   Mom always made a little extra dough and she would fry small pieces of it and then shake in a paper bag with sugar, and if we were lucky and she had cinnamon, we all thought we died and went to heaven, All our less fortunate  relatives always love to come to our house or have us come to theirs.  Mom could make a dinner for an army out of a fish and a loaf.  Back then there was no food stamps we got commodities.  Now for those who do not know what commodities are they are the basics and if you cook you had enough to feed every one.  But you had to know how to use powdered milk, powdered eggs, flour, cornmeal, oatmeal and lard, because the canned meat and brick of cheese and butter did not last long.  Most folks never used these things so Mom was given everyone’s powdered milk and eggs etc. She baked and made some of the best bread, cakes, cookies and we grew a garden and had an orchard so it was canned and preserved for the winter months.  When we got older we were sent to the relatives’ farm for the summers to work in exchange for a side of beef that was cooked and canned so it would last the year. We never minded because we got fresh milk, real steak not canned meat and to swim in the creek, ride the cows and horses and all the things kids can find to get into on the farm.   Mom never went anywhere empty handed so she made lots of goodies to take with us when we went to visit. Now to us this was normal but to the relatives we had the best food because their families did not do all that cooking.  I always was envious of them because they had store bought bread. All I had was homemade and if we ever got fresh milk it was mixed with the powdered milk to make it go further. Mom had her own version of Jiffy mix.  She took the milk eggs and flour and mixed it together in big containers.  So all we had to do was take out a cup and water in different quantities to have pancakes biscuits or the basics for cakes and cookies.   I miss the taste of the food from my childhood.  Gone are the days of hot fresh bread, who has time.  Most days I don’t want to cook at all. I never realized how much time my mom spent in the kitchen and how much of what she did there made our lives so wonderful.

Dad worked hard to make us things to play with.  He put a cable between two trees angled it down to the other and because the distance was longer than the cable there was a splice ¾ the way down.  A rope was hung on a pulley with a large tree limb on the bottom to straddle and sit on.  We would pick up speed as we headed down the angled cable, when it hit the splice and if we did it just right we could make the rope throw us so far up that we almost totally wrap around the cable.  I think about it now and have no idea why we are still alive.  We had go carts Dad made for us from old parts that he got from the junk yard.  He made a figure 8 race track on one acre of over grown grass, we would start at the same point in the figure 8, but we would be going in opposite directions and not able to see the other one from the tall grass there were many crashes. Dad made an ice skating rink in the back yard, where I almost lost an eye fooling around on hockey skates. We had a baseball sand lot I don’t remember many games just batting the hell out of rocks, dirt clots and any other thing we could smack with the bat.  

There were no cell phones back then if Mom wanted us she just stepped out the back door and with her finest outside voice she would yell Suzeeeee, Jimeeeeee, Traceeeeee and so on.  The E sound was always long and drawn out there was no mistaking it and it lasted so long you could hear it in the next county over. We listened in on the party line phone to hear all the gossip, who was grounded or what someone did in the neighborhood. We would sit in the crab apple tree telling all the gossip and eating crab apples till we were bloated.  Later the processing of them apples caused us a considerable amount of time in the library where we had a stack of comic books to pass the time as the apples exited.  We loved Buck night at the drive end theater it was only a dollar for a car no matter how many people were in it. We wore our jammies, ate dinner and played on the play ground before the show. Of course we never watched a movie because we were asleep by that time.  Sunday drives to the country and sharing a bottle of coke a cola while we were there was always fun till my brother and I started to fight and then the ride was over and we could just forget the coke. We dug holes in the back yard trying to see if we could make it to China.  We never did but after a good rain those holes were the best mud holes to play in. We would jump in them like we were going swimming.  Then rinsing off with the garden hose always turned into another way to horse around till Mom cut the water off.  I so miss the simple life of my youth.  Although there was a lot of discomfort from the things we did we had the best time.  Every day was a new adventure in the lessons of life and Mom and Dad at the ready to redirect our lessons when they got out of hand. I often wonder what our kids will reminisce about when they are our age.  (I love to sit in my room and skype my sister in the room next to me.)

Happy @#$@#$ New Year to me.

This past spring one of the planets was going to be close enough to the earth it would be the brightest star in the sky.  The girls and I got out the small telescope that the young one had just gotten.  We tried every which way to see through the darn thing and was having no luck because it had to sit so close to the ground where we could not see through it.  Now my bright idea is to sit it on the railroad ties that sit at the end of the parking space in our yard. But I can't see no matter where its at.  I have trifocal vision and refuse to use trifocals so I use bifocals.  I have several pair for diving and looking at dash board, typing and looking at computer monitor and so on.  Of course I do not have the correct set so I just take them off and set them on the tie.  30 more minutes I give and we go in the house. I spent the next day looking for my glasses.  When I remembered what I had done with them I went out to the railroad tie and they were not there.  I spent another day looking for them and just could not believe they where not there so I went out to look around again.  As I am hot footing it out to the tie again I hear a crunch.  What to my wondering eyes should appear, my glasses in the grass flat as a pancake.  The optical place I go to said they were not sure they could fix them but would try.  Yes, it was a miracle they even fit better.  Now it is a couple of months later we get back home from our camping vacation and we took everything out of the van and put it in the drive way so we knew where everything had to go and it all got put there.  It was a hot day so again I take of the glasses and put them on the retaining wall next to the drive way.  Next day I get ready for work and no glasses. I went several days that time trying to find them.  But alas they were found by the lawn mower.  But yet again my optical place pulled another  miracle out of there hat and was able to put them back together again.  I was then told they were not sure if they could fix them again so be careful.  So I am pretty good at taking advice so because I just can't go buy more glasses, I payed close attention to where I put them keeping them out of reach of dogs and other places that will get them lost or broke again.
So last night we rang in the New Year with our Sparkling bubble juice and talked with my friends and one of the girls who was in New York.  Posted pics on face book and so on and so on. It was around 1:30 in the morning New Years Day and we finally went off to bed.  I came down to my room and it was dimly lit with my night stand light.  It was just enough light to see the shining pee spot in front of the computer. I turned and went in to the laundry room saw a pee pad on the floor for washing and grab it, went back into my room turn absorbent side down over the pee spot and step on it to wipe the pee up. When the sicking sound of crunching came from under my foot. I yanked the pad up and got close enough to see my glasses smashed flatter than a pancake. I don't remember the exact cuss word I yelled but I am sure they were rich.........   I ran to the wall turned on the light and then realized what happened.  I left my glass of wine by the computer when posting pics.  I pushed it way back so no dogs could get to it but my glasses was in front of it and they jumped up and knocked my glasses on the floor.  You know stepping on them again was not the thing that got me.  The thing that got me was they knocked them on the floor and Pissed on them. Then I stomped them into oblivion. This round of Damn Dog business has caused me to start my own book of cuss words. I am praying real hard that this is not a sign of my New Year to come.