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2012/02/26

The trip to Jade's forever home




Our journey started out 1.5 hours late, no explanation other than  herding 4 kids and 11 dogs out the door takes a miracle on good days. We had to make a quick stop in Toledo OH to drop off a box to a friends house. Now all was going well till I took the wrong exit and my quick turn around in the middle of the road caused a disaster. Marley was sitting on the middle row seat and Chilly Willy was standing on the floor in front of him, when he decided to get rid of the half a dozen hair ties he ate and with that came the left over dinner and other unrecognizable stomach bile. Chilly Willy was drenched in the goo and the girls started screaming and he took off, jumping from one seat to another leaving a trail of stomach bile in his wake. As the girls tried to grab him he just kept jumping.  He slimmed the girls my new purse and countless objects on the floor. My oldest was sitting in the front yelling this is a disaster. I said " I am sure it is of epic proportion".
I could not stop, so clean up was done on the move and I was directing it from the drivers seat as I hurled us down the freeway at epic speeds.  I pulled in my friends home and the doors flew open and the kids jumped out and started calling dibs on the bathroom to clean them selves off.  
Back on the road again our conversation turned to the up coming visit of my friend Tina.  She takes the most wonderful pictures, so I said "I want to have Grandma come over so Tina can take a really nice picture of her for her 86th birthday."  So little one pips up and says ya Ma I'm going to take a lots of pictures with Tina's really good camera, and we can dress up and go eat. I said"OK". Then she says " Ma you have to dress up really nice because we are going to us Tina's good camera." Ya, OK I'll put on a really nice sweat shirt."  This comment got me yell at for the next 10 mile.
As we started into the foot hills of the Mountains the oldest complains her ears were plugged and she has a cold on top of that.  I said " open your mouth wide and yawn." No, that didn't work so I told her to put her hand up to her mouth and hold back the air as you try to blow, and with that I gave a quick demonstration. When from the back seat comes I can't do that I will pee and then I want to fart at the same time.  Thanks, but that is way more information than I wanted to know, as everyone breaks out in laughter. So on we went to Kentucky to deliver Miss Jade to her new forever home.  When we got close I called to let them know we were almost there. As I described my location it was apparent that I was not were I should be, as they didn't know where I was by my descriptions. I then hear my reality, are you on 75? I should be on 71 so what I thought to be a few more minutes turned out over an hour more. 
We receive a warm welcome and it felt like we were friends for ever.  I knew Miss Jade had the perfect home.  The Damn Dog were invited into the house I told them are you sure you know what your saying.  I was assured that the house was dog prof and not to worry.  Well the Damn Dogs lived up to the name and did not disappoint in there behavior. We ate and had a wonderful chat but time was marching on and it was dark, my fav for driving in unknown territory. The fact that they had to meet me to get the last 5 or 10 miles to their house left me thinking I was going to need more than a GPS to find my way back. I was give great instructions to find my way out, they were detailed in every way. I left with confidence that I could maneuver the 6 or 7 turns to get out of the subdivision.  What I did not get was the first turn after the driveway was a stones throw from their home, not  a block or so down.   One by one block, we looked for the street to turn on and after each one the kids would say it must be the next one Mom, until we hit the dead end.  We turned around and went back looking for the street we must have passed, when I look up and see we are passing their house and I said, GAWD I hope they are not looking out the window and see us they will think I'm an idiot.  I went down a house or two to turn around in hopes I would not be caught lost in front of their home. We found the road and then all went well and we made it back to the city to survey our choices of hotels. Looking for just the perfect set up so we could sneak 10 dogs into the hotel.  We found our target and proceeded with plans to get them walked and into the room with out detection. I have to say it was way to easy and it looked like smooth sailing from then on out.  Everyone had on pee bands and pee panties on, so no tell tail sign to be add to my credit card later.  Every one settled in and my oldest and I stayed up she did home work I played on internet. After midnight we went to bed knowing we could sleep in a little in the morning before heading back. About two in the  morning I was woke up by the dogs barking.  I get them quiet and tried to go back to sleep when I heard J@#$#$ C@#%@, uh uh uh Oh MY GODDDDDD, thud thud thud,   woof woof. I shushed the dogs, when it started again the moaning was intense then would came the Oh my GODDDDD.  Woof woof as I shushed the dogs again I knew that neither of them God or J. C. had anything to do with what was going on in that room. I have to admit they had stamina or Viagra. The dogs and the neighbors kept me up till after 4 AM.  The next morning I was complaining about them to the girls and they said they didn't hear them only the dogs woofing all night.  I said "How could you not hear that all night?"  I kept complaining about my lost of sleep from the Viagra induced party next door when one of the girls said " Mom you're just jealous" Now there is no way to reply to that so I choose to zip it and leave it alone. The drive back was uneventful and we all enjoyed the 50 degree sunny weather. 

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