Sign language doesn't work either.

I came home tonight hungry and tired and the girls caught me in this vulnerable state and got me to take them out to the Sea food restaurant tonight.  Now at the prices they charge we do not eat at these places only on rare occasions.   But they waved the 25$ gift certificate in my face and I caved.
One girl almost never eats seafood and one can not eat any seafood except fish.  Two girls will eat anything and they wanted Lobster: of course they never had lobster but it looked like it must taste great. Now at 25 bucks a plate, eat fish and be glad. They all wanted shrimp cook differently but shrimp; my fish eater had fish and chips. My kids eat with there eyes and have no idea what it taste like, it just looks good.  I laugh and tell them all food looks good on the menu that's how they get people to buy it, they dress it up and make it pretty so people like you will order it at any price, because its pretty food. I do not like to pay a lot of money for food if I have never tried it.  If I don't like it and payed a lot I am madder than hell.  The kids think its pretty and want it.  I learned early on that this is a disaster to my pocket book. I have their numbers now and head them off at the pass. I set the $ amount before we enter the restaurant and if they don't know what the food is or what it has been made with they better not order it,  You order it, you eat it. This lesson has been learned the hard way.  Now to add to this lovely evening at the restaurant we have a cute young male wait person. He is all over the girls with his wonderful kindness and cheery manner.  I believe he is sucking up for good tip.  And the girls had him wrapped around their finger. I am sure he would have given us the food free if he could have gotten away with it:he just made sure we had plenty of food and drinks. I thought I was going to have to remind him he had other customers. Now we do have this communications problem, so we often revert to hand jesters when we can not make ourselves understood. I am use to this behavior but others are not, so it puts us in some rather funny spots when we are out and about. Tonight was no exception. As our young waiter was trying his best to impress the females at the table with his skills at taking orders. He tried to do this directly with out Moms help, as he found out the hard way this was not a wise decisions on his part.  I started to order for the girls and as he ask them what they wanted I started to translate, he turned his body just enough to let me know he did not need me, he wanted to communicate directly with the girls. The first order was easy no sides just fish and chips not much you can screw up there: now he turns his attention to the second girl and she orders a broiled seafood plate and now things are starting to turn bad as he does not have a clue.  I pipe up and tell him she will be having the same thing I order. I could see him relax a little, then came the salad. He said "will you have garden or Cesar salad" she says "I want scissor salad". Now come the dear eyes in the head light look. the other girls have not caught the fact she said it wrong, until the waiter says "what kind of salad"?  All of them take a try at saying Cesar salad, of course I am about to wet my pants because he has the look on his face of , are you speaking English?
Now he knows he is in a bind so he turns to me for help. Yes the devil came out of me as I looked over at her and said "what kind of salad" knowing the hand jester was coming. No disappointment, it was as if she was cued to put her hand up toward him and make the cutting motion with her first two fingers. We all broke out in laughter because now the other girls know she screwed it up and said the wrong thing.  She thought we were saying scissor salad so she wanted to show him scissors so he would know what she wanted.  He just stood their speechless with the look of what does she want all over his face and she showed him again. Tears are now running down my face and I can hardly correct her because I am laughing so hard. The other girls knew she misunderstood us and when she learns her mistake we all break out in laughter, her face is red but she laughs when embarrassed. The waiter looks like he wants to run  and he immediately tuned himself back to me and started to ask me what the other would like, he no longer was trying to impress anyone, just get this order over and leave.   His behavior change after that and he did not look at the girls much and directed all conversation to me. I gave him an extra good tip for giving me a good laugh but he thinks it is for putting up with us. Little did he know I set him up.