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2012/08/06

Boring eater.


I tend to be a boring eater. You know the kind that eats the same thing everyday, because mostly it taste good and I don't have to give any thought, to what will I eat tomorrow  morning.  Coffee and bagel, I eat them every morning for years if I am away from home I eat them straight from the bag, at home I toast them with butter. Either way is fine by me.  My morning are filled with routine and it allows me time to wake up and face the day.  The less I have to think about in the morning the better my day is. Now I don't let the kids eat MY bagels because if I go to the bag and it is empty well there is  a lot of me bitching and whining about eating the last of the only food I care about.  The kids can't stand my bitching so they have learned a long time ago to leave Ma's bagels alone and life is much easier. But they tease the hell out of me about the damn bagels.  Ma, did you bring your bagels? Ma, do you know how many bagels are left? Ma, I ate one of your bagels and you didn't even know.... What Ma?, no bagel this morning? Will you live with out them?  etc.....
Weekend before last we had to drive down to the AR, MO boarder to pick up two dogs.  Now it was not bad enough that it was the maiden voyage of the camper and I got my panties twisted in a knot over that but Archie got my bagels. I almost went over the edge, but the kids had fun teasing me about my bagels. 
We got up and one by one took dogs out on their leashes to let them pee. Now this can be problematic as when the little snots are up and moving everything become a fire hydrant of sorts and the pissing Olympics begin. I have two dogs and I am barking out orders to the girls to get leashes and collar on the others and don't let them pee on anything. The drama starts and the screaming and yelling coming from the camper is loud enough to wake the dead along with the entire camp. I went to the door and yelled just put Weezie and Archie out here with out a leash they won't go any were give me two more dogs and keep em coming. This procession  of dogs and screaming got us an audience that I really would have preferred to not have. We finally got them all out and doing there business When Archie puts his nose to the ground and wonders off.  I see him out the corner of my eye and yell at the girls to grab him.  They were most obedient as the quickly scooped him up and put him in the van and we finished walking the dog. Archie is my senior old man that I have not determined if he is going deaf or has selective hearing. He has one eye and that is going blind. About the only thing left on the old boy that works is his nose. He can spell any things eatable or uneatable as in the case of garbage or poo.  He is not choosy he likes it all. All the dogs are walked and we are folding blankets and cleaning up inside the camper getting ready to leave. I tell one of the girls to take things out and pack them in the back of the van, when I hear the over dramatize scream that teenage drama queens have.  The one that is full of disgust and ,can you hear me now, coming from out side.  Then came the ARCHIEEEE!!! Ma's going to kill you and then the hysterical laughter. As I look out the screen there is my kid laughing her ass off as she holds up my bag of bagels he was munching on. Archie is looking on from the van as if he had no idea what all the fuss was about. Then she opens the door and starts in with, Ma look what Archie did to your bagels.  Sorry, Ma you won't have any for breakfast, through her tears of laughter.
At this point I am not sure who I want to kill first the Damn kid or the Damn dog.

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