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2011/12/16

Hair ties or not?


Not only do we have the largest quantity of estrogen in the Northern hemisphere I think we have the largest quantity of hair: long thick dark brown/black and mounds of it.  It blocks, clogs and clings to everything.  I find the drains don’t drain as fast as they did two years ago.  I find black wads of hair in the washing machine, drier and some days it is stuck to my feet wrapped around my toes.  The bathrooms look like they need a shave or brush.  If I find it in the bathroom sink in the morning when I go to brush my teeth everyone gets up.  Mostly by my yelling, because the kids do not get up as early as I do they have learned to keep the hair out of the bathroom sinks I use in the mornings.  I always layer my cloths in the winter for warmth this usually includes a layer of hair stuck to the underside of my sweatshirts and sweaters I try to keep the outside plucked free. I can find the offending hairs stuck to the sofa, chairs, throws and afghan blankets.  Can we all say long haired dog jammies, I never know if I should comb them or shave them.  Most folks struggle with dog hair on everything I struggle with kid’s hair on everything.  I must add that none of this is mine. I only have 10 hairs and they are all grey. I count them often so I know they are all still there.  The one thing we all use is hair ties. Even my ten hairs are kept pulled back.  Now this is where the issues begin, where are all the hair ties?  I buy a pack of twenty and they are gone in a month.  Absolutely no one knows where they are or what happened to them.  I would hide mine so I would have it for the next day and it would be missing before sun up the next day.  One of the girls thought it was a new fashion statement to wear 10 or so around her wrist like one would wear gold and silver.  So of course she got the brunt of my yelling and I would make her go to her room and look for the lost hair ties. She might come up with two if I was lucky but mostly she would be empty handed on her return. I became desperate and pulled out all the stops. I started hooking one to the watch I wear every night so I would have it in the morning.  This was a good plan till the dogs decided that they need a chew toy in the middle of the night and while I slept they chewed leaving me without a hair tie the next morning. My desperation got the better of me so when I would get home I would take it off and hook it over the gear shift in the car, next time I left the house just go to the car and viola.  But going to work without brushing my hair, because I did not have time to go back into the house for the brush, was even more frustrating.    I found myself back at the store buying two packs this time. I hoped that they would last a couple of months; I cannot begin to tell you how surprised I was when they only lasted three weeks.  I’m sure the girls would not call it surprised.  I don’t believe the words I used have been put in a dictionary yet.  I mean the pack and all were gone. In the past they took the hair ties and left the packaging in the draw, like it would help by not taking it all. I was late for work because I was on the hunt. I was going to find out who took all the hair ties. My searches lead me to a big glob of black and brown goo under the kitchen table, topped with yellow slim. A closer look took me to the edge of the Damn Dog insanity.  It was a pack of twenty hair ties chewed swallow and puked up. Now the packaging was gone but the plastic wire that kept them together was still in tacked the ties themselves looked as if they were chew like a wad of gum.  How they got them out of the bathroom vanity drawer would be a Damn Dog secret.  I still do not know who the offending dog was as there were no health issues attached to this pile of vile. But again I was off to the store to buying more hair ties.  And I dare not think of the other lost ties.





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