And you did it to yourself......

I have to say I love it when the Damn dogs undermine their own attempts to get what they want.  Patricio learned how to open the gate between the kitchen and living room. This has been my doom as he is so food driven he gets into everything and he is in the running for first place in counter surfing. I close the gate behind me so I can freely move about the kitchen and prepare food. With in a minutes he is right behind me getting into things. The latch on the gate door is one that has two prongs that slide across both sides of the fixed part of the gate. There is a handle that when lifted up will slide the prongs back and allow the door to open. If you push the lever down a little red plastic piece slide over it and you can not pull the lever up.  Now the Damn dog learned how to lift the lever up and open the gate.  We have had to push the lever down and lock it so he can not get it up. The problem being it now takes two hands to open the damn thing and when you have something in your hand this is a pain in the ass to put it down then open the gate get your stuff and then lock it behind you. Times this by a thousand time a day and you have a pain the size of Rhode Island in your ass.  So as we are hurried or just pain tired of lock and unlock the humans try to sneak one past the damn dog, NOT, the dog is one step behind us and always at ready to try the gate as soon as you take one step away from it. Now in one short year this 55 pound dog jumping on the gate has broken the latch so now you have to pull the lever up and move the prongs back with the second hand. It has been hit and miss with the lever prong actions till just resent and it finally just bit the big one and now it is a two handed open and shut gate.
So tonight the kids are in the kitchen stirring things up and the dogs are in their annoying form in the living room romping around. I got up and went into the kitchen for more coffee but did lock the gate.  I hear the dogs at the gate as I am poring my coffee. I expect to see Patricio jump up on the counter next to me, but all I hear is the handle of the gate. I turned around to find the damn dog pumping the handle up and down expecting to push it open and nothing happening. His frustration got the best of him and he started to bark at it in between pumping the handle. The sight of this dog getting frustrated at the gate he broke and doing so he lost his ability to open it, as he does not have two hands he has one mouth. This has left me a happy camper. I now know there is something the Damn dog can not do. Bite and Bark at the same time.

Senior Moments WTH!

I can now admit to my serious SENIOR MOMENT....

I can not say how this thinking got started but I knew I was coming home on Tuesday the16th from Lima. Many hours before my departure at 11:30 PM the coordination of my departure started. There was a auto change because of the size of the kennels and the untimely death of my friends car. That alone was a huge undertaking in itself. Getting me and gathering dogs all in different location through the dinner hours and all the good byes took a few hours alone. This all started at around 3 or 4pm. We got through all of this and raced to the airport over an hour drive over not the best of roads and lots of traffic. We had to get there in time to check in and get the dogs and kennels scanned and be at the gate to depart on time. We arrived a few minutes after 9 pm and saw that there were not many folks checking in at our air lines. What a wonderful and welcome surprise. We got two carts and dragged the dogs and carry on bags through the zig zagging roped off line to the counter. We had a short 15 minute or so wait to get to the counter what a stroke of luck on my part. I got to the counter and we unloaded the dogs lifted one crate on the scales to be weighed I then started the mound of paper work and the clerk went to the back to check temperatures along my intended flight rout to my destination. I was there around 20 minutes as the line grew to huge numbers behind me, my anxiety started to build as I felt my shoulders lifting to earlobe levels and my jaw tighten worrying about how long I would be at the counter to get through the maze of work to fly two dog internationally. The clerk came back good new all temps along the route will be in the acceptable rang for flying dogs. He took my flight record number and check my reservations. He then said there was no reservation. WTH !! check again I have a res for the 16th, Tuesday. He looked again and then said yes I did but today is Tues the 15th. Now that was a jaw dropping moment as in two languages it was explained I was there on the wrong day. Holy Shit I felt like a total moron as we went and got the two carts again and loaded the dogs on them and drag the dogs and my carry on back to the parking lot. I have no idea how I lost a day. On the way to the airport my friend road in the back crammed into the small space between the kennel and the side of the car. Going back I road back there. Senior Moments suck, when its just you that is inconvenienced But when you take a double digit numbers of folks with you it is totally horrid. The place we will all end up in soon or later, Senior forgetfulness.Wait for it........

Are you stalking me?

I am always surprised at the things people see and notice. Now I do catch subtleties that are often over look by some so I think I am an absorbent person. NOT!
   I see where some one commented on a picture I put on face book and they noticed the time I posted it. This caught me by surprise as I never look at that stuff and do not know anyone who looks at the time things are posted. As I am voicing my surprise to my kid she says "I look at what time people post". I said "why? I think the only person who looks at that is my boss to see if I am screwing around at work". No Ma I look at what time you post so I know what your doing. What the Hell, are you stalking me? I'm your Mom, kids don't stalk their Mom, Moms stalk their kids.  Who knew???? 

Time out

It started out a quite evening of internet surfing with the TV blaring in the back ground, my daughter laying on the couch with her phone and I in my comfy chair with the kindle. Totally oblivious to our surroundings. When the house erupted into chaos with dogs going in every directions and the playful noises they make went up at lease 125 decimals. Now I have learned to tune many things out and this is often one of them. As the two big dog flew by me in a blur I heard my daughter scream. When I looked up the big dogs had jumped on her and continuing on with their play but the massive landing of romping dog flesh turn into a pissed off fight. I see her tuck her butt and jump off the couch as if she was anticipating a bite in the ass. She composed her self and yelled get off and started grabbing collars and evicting dogs. Now Patricio just stood there insulted he was evicted and Sipan and Gideon took off as soon as their feet hit the floor.  As my daughter was about to take her place back on the couch Patricio leap at the same time beating her back to her place. Well I turned my deaf ear to them and went back to what I was doing.  A few moments later I look up to see Patricio in time out and my daughter all stretched out on the sofa by herself. His time out lasted 10 min and when he was release he took her spot again. Now she is in her room and he is stretched out on the couch. I turned my deaf ear and went back to what I was doing.

Waiting for their friends.

The girls have been wanting to plant a garden but I have resisted as I did not believe they would take care of it and my yard would get tore up for nothing, I kind of like my grass.  So with a lot of badgering I caved and let them tear up a small patch next to the drive way by the walk way into the back yard.  I figured that if they had to walk by it every day they could not say they forgot it.  They even panted a few cucumbers out back by the tree stump.  Now out back is out side the fenced area where we have had numerous sighting of deer and bunnies.
All was going well they kept up with the weeds and couple times I would come home to some wilting plants but they were watered before night fall so I said nothing.  One very nice delightful night I was sitting in the living room with the back door open when this blood curdling scream came from the back yard. Before I could run to the door it came again. By the time I got outside here comes my daughter stomping up to the patio and as she roared by me she said I want a gun I'm going to kill the deer and bunnies and eat them. Well so much for the cucumbers...
The other day my daughter came in so proud and happy her bean plants had produced three very nice beans. As she rolled them around her hand to show me that they were purple bean and not green bean she said she never had purple beans.  I said "are going to try them"?  She put them in a bowl and said "no, I am going to wait for them to get friends".  I am not sure I have ever heard it put that way but it made perfect sense.
Last night the friends arrived and we had some very yummy purple beans.

Grilled Cheese ?

When it comes to food I mostly love it all. But when the fire in food gets to the 5 alarm fire stage I am not going to put myself in a air sucking, water drinking frenzy to eat.
My kids love all their food so hot that I swear they have an asbestos tongue. They know they can not cook that stuff when I am at home it just takes my breath away and sends me into a choking frenzy. No one wants to cook out side so they just do it before I get home and hope the air clears before I hit the door or just chop those little red peppers up and lather them on their food uncooked.
The other night I got home and there was a hint of something that had been cooked earlier.I spent a hour or so just drinking a cup of coffee and growing a nice set of roots in the chair.  I finally went to the kitchen and announced I was making myself a grilled cheese sandwich and ask my daughter if she wanted one. She said "no", because she cooked and ate already.   Well now I have a whole new way I like my sandwich made and I like my cheese on the outside of the bread and crunchy. Crunchy cheese you ask, I learned this little way to make the sandwich and now will never go back to regular grilled cheese. You use a sharp cheddar and grate it, butter the out sides of the bread as normal and sprinkle a little shredded cheese between them just enough to make the two slices stick together. Put in the pan to grill while the first side is grilling add copious amounts of the shredded sharpness to the top of the sandwich then flip over and let the cheese grill to a nice crunch or chewy depending on your desired texture. While the cheese is grilling to the desired texture add another mound of cheese to the other side and again flip to grill side two to the same desired texture.  Now the oil from the cheese and butter will tend to puddle a little and you can sop up with paper towel. The more cheese the more puddle. Yes, not healthy what so ever but nothing good is healthy. 
While all this grilling is going on I start to cough. Just coughing no smell nothing but a choking cough.
I said to my daughter did you spill some of your chilly pepper what ever, on the burner." I don't think so" she said, The cough got worse and I said "you must have I can't breath". She then starts to look at the stove to see if something spilled. I finished cooking my sandwich and the coughing started to wane and almost completely stopped by the time I had my sandwich cut and placed on a plate with the chips piled on top with a drink in my hand.
We went into sit at the computer and search for retirement homes, this has become a favorite activity with my daughter. I ate a few chip and we looked at water front property and dreamed of a day she would come to visit me at the beach.  I then started in on the sandwich which was so tasty till I wallow it  around my mouth a bit and then flame on. "What the hell did you do" I ask her.  As she laughed at me she said nothing. Did you wash the pan or just wipe it out? Second bite is hotter than the first. Now I understand why I was choking. So now I am sucking air and drinking water. I decided that I did not want to cook again so I would just suck it up and eat the heat infused sandwich. After a few bits I am sweating and needing a break from the flames and started to eat the chips. What the hell the chips are hotter then hell too. On my way to the kitchen for a second glass of water I realized the oil in that pan was on the sandwich and the chips just sucked up the oil off the sandwich and now I have a plate of " light me on fire" food and my kid thinks this is just too funny. Note to self, wash all pans before using.

Super Glue

Sipan is my Peruvian Inca Orchid dog. I have had him now about two years. He is loveable goofy and he has two really big thing wrong with him. One, he is afraid of the vertical blinds. So we learned that after he was here about a year. It was quite by accident that we learned this as we like to leave the blinds open 24/7.  But if you move them they swing back and forth touching the slats on either side making this strange little noise that send Sipan running.  Second and most annoying, he glues himself to you and it is almost impossible to move him. So we have a name for it we called it glue or super glue because to break the bond would take a jack hammer.  He decides he want on the couch next to you, on top of you, under you what ever he will not move. We have to physically get up and drag him off, then be quick enough to get back to our seat before he does. It is most entertaining when it is happening to the kids but when he does it to me, well lets just say the entertainment value is lost totally. 
So tonight is one of the nights I am sure I could have lived with out but as life would have it I have to endure the shit that is heaped on me. My dogs have had a steady diet of remotes and it has left us with out a way to play DVD's, stream movies or any other activities that one does on the TV except turn it on and hope for the best. Tonight they got the netflix remote and we only had this one for two weeks. Now with out the remote the device is useless. Wow, I feel like I am just throwing money out the window as the dogs consume the remotes. And yes we put them up but some how they get them, Hell I think they just will the damn things off the shelf and into their mouths.
Now this little remote consumption was the last mound of shit on my pile for the day, so off to Best Buy I go cussing all the way.  I left there and I went and picked up my daughter at work and when we returned we settled in to a moving after a short installation.
The dogs were not in the mood to settle so we are trying to get them to calm down and Sipan super glues himself to my daughter. I am busy with my own problematic dog and I here her say SIPAN in the strained voice the one you hear the weight lifters use as they are picking up 300 lb weight. I am not paying any attention to her I can just hear her trying her damndest to move this dog. The grunts and screams turn into her saying in the calmest voice I've heard her use all night, "Oh uha uha your moving" and I hear the vertical blinds move. Sipan jumped straight up catching some air under his ass and he shoved himself in one huge leap off the couch and he disappeared around the corner and went into the other room. My pile of shit came tumbling down as I laughed so hard I cried. We now have the Sipan super glue, kryptonite.