The Art of Body Slamming

There is a new game going on in the Damn Dog house. It seems to be catching on and more of the dogs are doing it.  It started with my Gertie and now the hooligan boys and Jack are doing it. We have a room we call the study room.  It is the room that the girls use when the tutor is here or to do homework, I keep all the dog kennels lined up in that room to keep them out of the main stream, and the access to the bathroom is through this room.  

Gertie was born here in that room, along with her overwhelming confidence, and the fact that she is built like a brick shit house; she has taught herself how to open the door to the study. Now one would think she has learned how to work the knob, but it is by sheer brute force. She would stand in front of the door and then lean on it with her front paws and it would open.  Then we worked the latch a little and she found that she needed more force to make it open, hence the body slamming started. She runs toward the door and then as she is within a couple steps from the door she jumps up and slams herself, front paws first into the door. She slams into it with a Thud putting all her weight behind the thrust.  Now the hinge on the bottom of the door was never 100% it had some issues but it was very functional. It now is no longer functional; it is attached to the door but not the wall.  The top hinge has started to strip the inside of the screw holes on the wall so we need to tighten them up every now and then.  I now have the other dogs doing the same thing to the door to get into the room. Why? You say, because they eat in their kennels and they follow everyone to the bathroom.  So they will bust in the study door then go to the bathroom and bust it open. If we latch the bathroom door they will dig it to smithereens. Once the door slammers get the doors open then all the dogs just fallow them in.  There is no keeping them out now.   They think it’s time to eat the door slamming starts.  If they think there is the slightest chance that someone left a nugget of food in the kennel the other dogs wait by the door for the slammers to come and then when the door is pop open they all run to a kennel and check for food in the bedding of the kennel. When one is done checking a kennel then they will swap with the dog in the next kennel checking that dogs work on finding nuggets. All kennels are check many time for any leftover crunchies, unless they get run out of the study room to early then this will be repeated after a short time because all kennels must be check and recheck until everyone is satisfied that there is no kibble hiding in the folds of bedding.

The hooligans have taken this maneuver a step further. They now do it to me.  If I am sitting in my chair with the casters I get shoved away and if I am in a regular chair I get the force, Now standing when they do this can cause me to wobble and I am afraid this Weeble will fall down.  They want my attention and they slam me. It just amazes me how they learn this stuff and teach the others. Between the girls and the dogs all the doors in my house need fixing now. All door carry the same identifying signature, Paw Prints. This is body slamming 101

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdeIZ5Cz45s

Striking distance!

Julie is the sweetest little girl and she follows me around everywhere and if I am in kitchen she is never more than 6 inches away from my heel. She does not walk with confidence her tail is always down and her little face never shows her emotions. She does not care about her surroundings or she just never pays attention to them.  Where ever I am she is in view of me.  She will often find a rug or pee pad on the floor to sit on while she waits for me to leave the room I am in. She has the shortest legs and does not move quickly.  The only time I see her run is to get up a little momentum so she can jump on something.  She is very graceful when she jumps and it’s interesting to watch her.  She is always holding one foot or another up so when you see her standing, most of the time she is on only three legs; and it is never the same three legs.  Sometimes when she pees both of her back legs come off the ground. I get a chuckle when I see her pivoting on her front two legs trying to pee. She does not run with the pack but she will check out the alert bark from one of them.  She just wants to be next to me.  If I am not around she picks one of the girls to hang with.  But what Julie does have, is total respect from the other dogs.  When she has picked her spot to lie down or sit down on, she does not warn the others to leave she just bits them.  Now she never breaks the skin on these bits but she makes them scream.  It is so quick I often do not even see her do it but the dog that was in her striking zone screams and leaves. It took me a long time to find out what was going on because I did not see her do it.  I just heard the scream and a dogs butt leaving the area.  She has never bared her teeth to us humans and never growled.  She almost never growls at the other dogs she just bits them if they try to enter her comfy space.   The rest of the pack now respect this about her and leave her alone when she is in her comfy space.  Her bit reminds me of a snake striking something you almost have to slow it down to see it.  She only cares about her space where she sits and does not want the other to get in her space.  Now she will get in their space and all is well no fuss no bitching nothing. I find the actions of the other dog when they encounter Julie hilarious.  She will be sleeping in a little ball on the couch and someone will jump up and they are unaware of her presence. They are still in the middle of their jump when she strikes them. The scream comes and they land on the couch and bounce right back off, it is all in one swift motion.  The Hooligan boys are the only ones that jump without looking and they get it every time.  The others will get up on the edge and look before they jump.  If they see her they just slink down and go away. Going to bed is too funny as long as I am not in a bad mood, then I want to kill all of them.  I get into bed and all the dog get up at the top of the blankets and paw at them so I will lift them up and they can crawl in.  They do not do this at the same time so it can be a long drawn out process as they come one by one to get a spot under the blankets.  Julie only wants to be next to me, from about my waist up.  Gertie only want to be under my arm next to my neck. Chiquita it takes her forever to settle down so she can even get under the blanket but she does not care where she is under there. Cabot waits till the lights go out and everyone quiets down then he hops up and starts to take over someone’s spot. He just gets under the blanket and plops down on any dog in his chosen spot; except Julie….   She is always the first in the bed to get the spot she wants then when everyone else picks a place to get under the blanket I hold the blanket up and they see her and back out and go to the other side.  This little dog gets one whole side by herself.  The other chickens won’t even attempt to get anywhere near her spot they just get on the other side of me and pile up.  So the lights go out everyone is calmed down and settled in and here comes Cabot I try to direct him to the other side but he will have no part of what I am trying to get him to do.  So I laugh at him and hold up the blanket, he takes one step and sees her and he back right back out and heads for the other side of me.  “I told you”. Some nights this scenario can go on with every damn dog in the house.  I cannot make them go to the side she is not on they must all try the side she is on then go to the other.  She has their attention in this area.  She has all my alpha’s dogs giving her a wide berth.  And they have never fought or growled she just bits them and they go away.  My Cabot and foster Willy would mix it up and there was no giving in I had to literally separate them so they would stop trying to kill each other. Julie’s mere presents are all the others need to give in, when it comes to her space.  Sometimes the Hooligan boys will jump and in midair see her; it is as if they are clawing at air to get out of her space.  It never works they get the Julie strike then we get the scream.  This little girl knows just how to make herself understood. The other morning she was sitting in my lap while I drank my coffee, she was just sitting there looking up at me with those soulful eyes that just scream I love you. Her eye are contagious I often find myself just looking in them as if I see all the way to her inner being. I heard the scream and all the dogs were headed in different directions. I knew someone got it but never saw her move nor felt her move I just heard the scream.  I took a couple more sips from my coffee and look down at those soulful dark eyes and I as I was being mesmerized by her look I saw the tuft of crest hair hanging out the side of her mouth. Now if I ever needed depends it was at that moment….

Discontent at the Damn Dog house



As I contemplate my role as the Big Dog of my pack of kids and dogs, I guess I just took it for granted that it’s a dirty job but someone has to do it.  I have taken my role and done what has to be done.  I am on my second kid that has been grounded for 6 months.  Now some will find this shocking but sometimes when the regular punishments don’t work we go with the extreme.  Now with the dogs I have given them time out in their kennels but I find that it more for my peace of mind rather than a lesson learned for them. Now I believe that all the offenders that get any punishments, will be just plain madder than hell at Mom.  Now I believe that we all get over being pissed off at each other, I even find it hard to make someone stay grounded for 6 months. The dogs I have always assumed that they just love me and don’t even get mad at me.  They just are dogs doing what dogs do. Now to my complete shock I have found there is something very wrong and there is an uprising in the works.

I can say I never would have believed my dogs would have such a plan in the works to get me, but I have found the evidence of this plot.  It is evil and I truly do not believe the Texas fly swatter or a time out in a kennel would have merited such retaliation, but the proof is there and undeniable.  As I sat on the edge of my bed a sharp stabbing pain hit me in the buttocks. I jumped up and rubbed my butt as if there was no tomorrow and looked down to find a shiv one that you find fashioned by a convict in prison to do great harm to another inmate.  The dogs took one of their nylabone toys and chewed of all the pieces off and sharpened the end to a point and left it in my bed, hidden in the blankets they pile up every day in the middle of my bed. Now I am glad I had jeans on because they took the brunt of the shiv and I only got a red mark and a few moments of shocking disbelief and pain. Here is my evidence that there is discontent in the damn dog house. Who knew?

Robbed of my pleasure....

We all know about the Pied Piper leading away the rats as he played his magical flute.  Now I confess to be something of a Pied Piper, but I have hairless dogs that follow me. I cannot get up and move without all the dogs following me to where ever I am going; even if I just go to the kitchen to get a drink of water.  There they are jumping around me and as I am trying not to step on one, there is another behind me to trip me. The longer the distance I travel in the house or outside a couple or three feel that it is a race to get to where I am going before me. The basement is treacherous as they turn the stairway into the Indy 500 race.  When they pass me or try to get between my legs as I am descending, it always causes me a moment of fear that I will get a broken something if they succeed in tripping me. One time all three passed me at the same time in the stair well, I grabbed the rail as my body went down and I slammed into the wall. Now my arm was a little soar for a couple days but no damage that time.  I feel my luck running out and it is just a matter of time before they send me down the stair doing a header all the way. Now last night I got them, purely by accident.  I got one step down and remember I needed my glasses and made an abrupt stop and turn:  they were so close on my heal and moving at the speed of light, they both went ass over tea kettle down the stairs, the third one Miss Gertie was able to stop as she ran into me. As I watch the boys in a massive ball of flesh and legs rolling down, it all seemed to be in slow motion as my mind starts to play the dead dog visual in my head.  They bowled over the baby gate at the bottom and went straight through to the storage room.  I sucked in air as I started to panic and then they jumped up shook it off and ran hell bent into my room. I can say without a doubt that sucking in air at the same time you break out in laughter will cause all kinds of chocking. Between the shock and panic of them rolling down the stairs I was robbed of the pleasure, of finally getting the little bastards before they kill me, so I excepted the next best thing RERUNS that kept running through my mind all night.

Who ate the banana?

It has been a very active morning doing everything I did not plan on doing nor did I want to do.  But flooded basements and kids that have gone beyond needy and then someone ate the last banana.  Now at this point we are not sure if a human ate it or a dog, but the dog got busted with evidence of the banana on him. So Jack is getting the blame. Hey buddy your looking mighty guilty!!!

Bragging on the kids not eating them

As the old adage goes

 "I love my kids so much I could just eat them, then some days I wish I had". 

Today however I am as proud of them as ever.  I am big into volunteering and it fits right into my companies mission statement.  My kids go and help at many function company and community.  They make me proud as more more folks in the community recognize them from one event to another and actually look for them and many ask about them. Today was our community semi annual recycle day. It rained on us and the job is dirty but they have a good time and never fuss about volunteering to help at these functions.  We even got the exchange student in on the work.  They roll up their sleeves and carry garbage, serve food, help with entertainment and even helping make blankets for the homeless shelter. They are a huge help with the dog rescue I could not do it with out them. So today I brag about them, tomorrow I eat them.          

Ok ya got me there!

I hear a lot of excited chatter in the kitchen, so I mosey up to the kitchen to see what’s going on and find one of the girls sitting on the counter ledge rubbing her foot.  As I enter the room she yells “Mom I am so poor”. Ya and the point is????  I have the same socks for over a year and now they have a hole in them: She then holds up her foot to show me there is no heel in the sock.  The hole was so big the edges were curling; I’m thinking this must be a pain to walk on.  I laughed at her and said “I have socks older than you and they are fine”. Ya Ma I walk to school every day and you drive to work.  Ok case close you have a point there….