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2012/09/24

The dogs are making us look bad!

Now the fact that the Damn Dog do not know how to ask to go out and If I had to guess it is more like refuse to ask, makes life quite complicated. But in all fairness they do ask for water. In the kitchen we have a glass Pyrex dish that is heavy and cannot be eaten or dragged off; so they paw at the bottom of the bowl, making the sound of nails clicking on glass it can be heard anywhere. So when the bowl gets empty the tingeing, scratching starts; and there is no mistaking the sound as it can get intense really quick if you ignore them. Now the bowl in the basement is plastic and it just gets smacked around the room making this hollow thud sound that can send me into a panic attack. I try to keep it filled but if I don't catch that it's empty or they empty it while I am there but I just don't know it's emptied; they will most defiantly let me know. I will be setting at the computer or the sewing machine and they start smacking it around and the sound is so abrasive to me that it will bring on an instant anxiety attack. So if I try to finish what I am doing or just try to get to a good spot to stop they will get so impatient the bowl will start moving, and the force of the movement will intensify and the sound that it makes will send me into an anxiety attack: the nail scraping the glass will do the same thing but I can tolerate it for about 60 seconds longer than the one in the basement. It almost seems to me that as soon as I walk in the door the nail scratching on glass starts then by the time I get to the basement the thudding plastic bowl starts banging around. A week or so ago I blew and started a rampage around the house about the kids coming home and letting the TV take over their lives to the point they can't fill water bowls or watch the dogs. So now they hear me come home and jump up and do whatever needs done so when I walk in they are taking care of things to shut me up. Well that is not working because now I am yelling I want it done when you come home not 5 seconds before I walk in.

Last night I came in late from a long drive taking a dog to its forever home I am tired, I open the door and hear the sound of nails scratching glass. I look up to see kids’ scurrying. One then start yelling, the dogs are doing this only when you come home and it is make us look bad. What??? Ya, Ma the dogs are making us look bad. They never do this till you come home and then you think we don't take care of them. Holly Cow batman what do you say to that kind of excuse. So I just laughed. I'll wait till the dogs do it again before I yell, if you looked at the bowl when you walk by it they would not need to tell you. This one I'll let them use for now because it was funny. The Damn Dogs are now getting blamed for needing water. Damn Kids.

2012/09/18

Memory not needed




Between kids and dogs I find myself always wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I have convinced myself that I am old so therefore I have no brain cells left. Memory is?  I don't know I don't have one. I buy hair ties by the gross and I still find myself looking every morning for one.  I made it the most important thing I could do on my vacation was to keep track of the one and only hair tie I had left.  I surprised myself and even brought it home to use for another week. Now this is a very difficult accomplishment for me.  I hide them from the girls but the youngest knows all my hiding places so now I have had to get creative and think outside the box for hiding place.  I did manage to find some but forgot them the next morning and then spend way too much time trying to find them to only learn the dogs found them first. So now I only have one place left in the world to hide my hair ties in so the kids and dogs don't get them. Of course I spent my whole life picking things out of this spot so I am not keen on putting anything in it. I have three different computers I use daily different reason for each computer but what happens if every place I go on the web which is only 6 places on a daily bases but each time I must move to a different computer the website does not know who I am and makes me log in again 6x3=18 different passwords a day and so I tried to use the same passwords but over the years have screwed up and now most sites do not want me to use a password I have used before, Shit there is no more words left to use. I have to remember the number dots dashes and caps for each one. What the hell I have blown through my whole vocabulary and cannot think of anything I have not used before. I am trying to write them down and put the paper in my purse but I have lost that thing more times than I care to admit to. The more technology we get the more memory we need to keep it all secure. Now the older I get the less memory I have and the more I am called upon to use it. I long for the good old days when all you needed to remember was you SS#.  Now I must remember my first teachers middle name, my second cousin twice removed and my mother maiden name from her first father, and don't forget the dots dashes and caps. Plus I must remember where I hide stuff from the kids and dogs.   Some nights I swear my memory is seeping out my ears and draining on the pillow where the dogs lick it up. I can only pray that I will live through all this password stuff so someone can figure a way to just stick my finger on the screen and voila memory not needed, fingers are attached.

2012/09/14

The morning bunny Hope?


I must say that having the back yard erupt into total panic and then hear a scream above all the barking going on, throws a scare right through you.  It started a at 6am when I woke up and dragged my behind out of bed staggering and stumbling all the way.  I was trying to get all the dogs out of the bed and basement at the same time because running up and down the stairs in sleep clouded head is dangerous to say the least. I have two dogs that must be literately dragged from the bed and then I have one that is senile and one blind, so to carry all 4 is impossible so if I put the bed bugs on the floor and they head right back to the bed and run for the pillow so I must crawl across the bed to get them. Now in the mean time the frisky ones are jumping around doing the pee pee hopp, the one that last a whole 2 minutes before they find a secondary place to relieve themselves.  I have developed a method to getting them all out before the water works turns on and can't be stopped. I drag myself out of bed and put the blind dog on floor right in front of her bed so she knows where she is and can find her way out of the basement. The senile old man I put in the middle of the floor and yell move it come on move it.  the whole time I am dragging two dogs across the bed by there legs. Now I have a bad shoulder so in the morning it is so stiff that movement is often difficult till it gets limbered up. I grab the light one and put him into my bad arm and grab the heavy weight brick with the good arm and make it to the gate and use my foot to open it up yelling at Archie to move it and the others head to the top of the stairs.  I get to the top of the stairs turn the lights on inside and out trying not to trip as the door opens and they all head for the back yard then I stand back and let the blind one go and the old dog.  This morning I got to the top of the stairs and opened the door first then turned on the light, Holly cow batman the two dog in my arms took flight as the first bark rang out, the others where in hot pursuit, hell even the blind dog took off she didn't know where she was going but she went there fast, a last the picnic table stopped her dead in her tracks. Archie dose not have enough get up and go so he was kind of spinning his wheels but the others hit the back fence and all hell broke loose. I can't even see what is going on so I ran out the back door and step in poop as I am hopping around on the other foot I see the pack doing 90 along the fence line then the scream and the fence as they all ran into the fence snapping snarling. I start running because they have something and it sound bad.  I get out to the corner where they are in a screaming pile of snarling dogs when the bunny jumped out the top and took off for the other side of the yard, dogs in hot pursuit. Hell I didn't even know bunnys scream but it is an awful sound. I am running after the mob of dogs and the bunny, the whole time trying to ignore the fact that shit is squishing into all my toes now.  The bunny was out numbered and hopping around like pop corn on  hot skillet . I tried to grab him but he was not having nothing to do with that and so I started grabbing dogs till my arms were full and praying the whole time, don't have a heart attack bunny, bloody pulp is not what I want to witness nor clean up. The carnage seamed to be in slow motion and never ending. About the fifth trip down the fence line I was in a position to grab the prey driven dogs in the lead.  I took my shot, through all the dogs in my arms to the ground and jumped on the snapping leaders of the pack. Now I am not at all aware of what happened next because I was taking a good look at the grass at that point but I did emerge from the belly flop and actually had the main snapping snarling dogs . I ran them back to the house and tossed them in slammed the door and started yelling at the others to stop and I got their attention long enough to let the bunny take off again. He clearly was not running as fast but manage to squeeze between the chain links. I lost sight of him as the dogs started to calm down and I herded them to the house. I did see fur in a couple of moths and one of the dogs had a bruise in the perfect shape of someones mouth. Now as I look at myself, I have shit between my tows and down my stomach, and my arm is definitely limbered up so I hobbled off to take a shower and came back to the secondary location'sssss of morning potting because no one took care of that little problem while trying to get the bunny.  I hope the bunny is OK and he will spreads the word to stay on the other side of the Damn fence where they can grazing in safety. I do not want to start another morning like that, I might have a heart attack next time.

2012/09/12

Escaping gas..


Escaping body gases, now in my day girls did not do these things. Well in front of others, I mean I really thought I was the only girl to have gas it was such an embarrassment to me I would not let anyone know I did such a thing.  Now, I just blame it on the dogs and keep things quiet.  The girls on the other hand find these things to be hilarious and some times even try to gross each other out.  I really thought this was a guy thing but am finding women's lib in every aspect of life now.  Now the girls act totally surprised that gas is escaping, does not matter which end it's escaping from, it is so noisy.  They all yell at the guilty party and tell said party how gross they are and then break out in laughter.  I yell at them to not do that but might as well tell the dogs to not do that, it works the same, NOT at all.  I tell them to leave the room if they have to do that, but get the argument they don't know its happening.  Now I know things have changed but the fact that gas escaping from ones body is not a total surprise, I then ask them if I have stupid wrote across my for head. We have these bodily functions argument pretty much daily.  I think I must be getting desensitized as I feel like life's lesson may be their only teacher in this subject and try to ignore them.
We are all watching a movie and finishing up our dinner.  It's one of the movies that has to be discussed and interpreted and we are all talking and totally into the movie when one of them lets the gas escape then she laughs at herself the rest of the room erupts into a vocal round of "Gross" then I flash her the look. She jumps up to leave the room but every movement brings another loader attack than the last one.  She is trying to leave the room as she is laughing at herself ,she is totally out of control laughing and each moment brings on a louder attack, she starts to grab them. She tucks her butt up and leans to one side and then the other as she is grabbing her gas attacks in the back. Now the sights and sound of the child flailing her arms up and down as a flightless birds grabbing her butt sends me of the deep end of laughter everyone in the room is now hysterical. By the time she reaches the kitchen I can't breath and I yell out at her did you get any on yourself? At that point the movie is over, and I know I am in fact desensitized.

2012/09/11

Meet the new neighbor.

I am real sure he won't be stopping by for coffee any time soon as the Damn Dogs keep an ever watchful eye out for him, and I am notified immediately of his presence.  He is really bigger than the dogs but he can not out run them.  Between the rabbits, squirrels and the new neighbor The barking never stops. Damn Dogs

Stop playing with the dogs...


The hooligan boys have taken games to a whole new level.  They make everything in life a game to be played, they compete with each other. I really do not know if absolutely ever thing is a game, if I had to guess eating might not be a competitive sport for them as I make them eat in their kennel's. One inhales and the other savors every kibble he put in his mouth, unlike everything else they grab on to and put in their mouths. Now some of the games are done at top end speeds and and with such skill I believe their daddy is Houdini.  They honed their escaping technique while we were camping, it was scary to see the cunning they displayed.  I would be sitting at the table and see one of them out, I'd get them put back in the fenced in area and turn around and look up and they where already back where I grabbed them in the first place. This does leave one scratching their head in disbelief. They figured out how to get our napkins out of the little cup holder pockets on the camp chairs. Picking up shredded paper towels a dozen times a day was not on my list of fun camp activities. The girls went beach combing for Petoskey stones and would bring them back to camp and I always found them in one of their mouths.  I am not sure I can say with complete certainty if they were chewing them or sucking on them.  Either way the sound of rocks on there teeth was most annoying.   The fence line was the number one game during vacation as they were competing with each other at who could get out the mostest and fastest. Now, once out it is catch me if you can.  I learned quick to keep my voice in the happy playing sound as I cussed the hell out of them.  I have learn how to say "you little bastard your dead meat" in the cutest tone and with a happy ass smile on my face. As I would get them to stop, well some times I would, then pick them up and happily bounce them around in my arms playfully, the whole while resiting the urge to strangle them. Now they have me playing their games and I'm in full competition to succeed.  The other night the boys are in full game on and I could not get my stuff together to play on there terms so I was reverting back to the chase, which I hate. Now I am educated and should be able to out smart them but they are truly masters at their games.  It leave me in awe to see them in action with out being part of the game.  When I am part of the game I just want to strangle them and can only see red dogs. So I take my coffee and toast into the living room to watch news while I eat and take a little break, that was my first mistake. I had both hands full and the end table was full too. I then start to balance coffee cup with the toast on top so I can move all the remotes out of the way, second mistake. Then out of no where I felt a tug and looked at my hand with coffee and toast, the toast had been snagged and the game is on. I don't let them eat the things they snag as I don't want them to enjoy the spoils of our loss. I quickly put the coffee down and am in hot pursuit, yelling all the way.  As I am taking my right turn on the  landing I hear the kids upstairs yelling at me to "Stop Playing with the dogs Ma, that's why they are so bad". Okay so now I am standing there with the deer eyes in the headlight look on my face. As quick as I got my presence of mind back I continued my pursuit.  In these game to blink or hesitate is the difference between them swallowing and my retrieving. By the time I got to the basement the toast was gone and the hooligan was belly up letting me know this game is over, and I lost.  Now the other one comes running into the room and then the two of them tumbled a couple times on the bed and then they took off, leaving me standing there with the voice of my kids rumbling around my head saying"Stop playing with dogs" I am now thinking how would they know. I mean what do they know, as I am trying to defend myself to myself. I must try harder I am not just playing with the dogs. Or am I?

2012/09/05

Please make the bird come back.


My new foster dog has me thinking about one of my own, as they both have a huge pray dive. Cabot has a high prey drive, if it moves he will chase it. He will spend hours in the back yard at sun set chasing fireflies.  He loves to hang out at the windows just hoping for a fly to come by.  He will chase it till he can get it then waller it around in his mouth and spit it out, paw at it to get it to fly again.  He has even gotten them to move the second time,  I must say I'm impressed. He does not like big dogs and will start a ruckus when he see one. He gets a long with all the dogs I bring in the house but he is #1 and will not take second seat to anyone.
In the beginning when he first came and was attached to me I just thought this little boy was just going to fallow me no matter what. Oh hell no! I learned this the hard way.  We were traveling up North in the UP of Michigan, there is a wonderful beach along the highway that stretches for miles and the deep blue waters of Lake Michigan and the white sandy shore makes this a place that everyone wants to stop and take a dip.  We are no different than others so as we are driving along this beach I decided we should stop and play awhile.  We leashed up all the dogs and went on a section of beach that was void of all humans.  I took advantage of no one there and unhooked Cabot to let him play, thinking he did not want to be any other place than next to me. NOT!!! I no sooner heard the ting of the metal clip coming off when he saw a Seagull. I yelled at the kids watch the other dog and dropped the leash and ran like hell screaming the whole way STOP! STOP! STOP YOU BASTARD!!!!! The sand was kicking up behind him and the wind was wisping it away. I swear he looked like a tiny version of a race horse and he even ran like one.  As he started to get smaller heading for the horizon of the beach and sky, I thought I was going to have a heart attack but kept running even though I was considerably slower than when I started. Now even with my glasses on Cabot just kept getting smaller till he disappeared over the horizon. At that point I dropped to my knees in total exhaustion and fear that he would never come back and how was I ever going to find him.  God please bring the seagull back, was all I could do at that point.  I got up and started walking again as the fear slipped over me, I could see what looked like fly poop on the window down near the horizon and it was growing.  As the spot came closer I saw it was a seagull and all of sudden my moms voice echoed in my head saying"be careful what you ask for because you just might get it". I immediately started to pray "and please let Cabot still be following it". I stopped and watch carefully as the bird came closer and then there he was not much more than a fly poop spot on the window himself. I stood there watching him coming back to me I felt such relief. As he approached doing about 50 mph, I realized he was not going to stop. So I musterd up all of my football skills and tacked the little bastard as he tried to run pass me. Needless to say I had all the playing at the beach I could take. I walked back carrying him and found the walk to be much longer than I remember, giving me enough time to think he will never be off leash again, Damn Dog.
He actually got me one more time but it was quite by accident. I opened the gate going to the car and Cabot ran out. He headed for the car so I thought he will jump in as soon as I open the door no problem. Just at the very second a motor cycle came roaring past the front of the house and the damn dog made a U-turn and took off down the drive way straight into the street and ran right down the middle of the highway after the motorcycle. Two blocks later I was glad to see the motor cycle top a hill and go over. Cabot stopped dead in his tracks and turned around and came right back to me. Running straight down the middle lane with cars passing on both sides. I swear I thought we were both going to be grease spots by the time he got back to me.